The truth is heavy

This isn’t the blog I wanted to write. This is the news I knew of but didn’t want to hear. The truth, as heavy as I imagined.

They ran the test but couldn’t finish. His blood pressure is too low to get the last one in. So we are giving him a blood transfusion and will complete the last test in the morning. The last test is to take him off of the ventilator to see if he’ll to take a breath on his own. It’s not something to hope for, more of a formality.

The doctor is pretty sure Owen is gone. We are getting the closure to fully accept this harsh truth.

There will be a miracle this week, just not mine. Doug and I plan to donate as much as they will take. He will live on in his eternal life as well as on earth. I don’t know if there will be the option to know who they go to, or if I will walk this earth looking at children and wondering if they carry my Owen.

What am I going to tell Jaden? Or Weston and Logan when they are old enough? Do they already know he is gone?

The thought that makes my gut wrench is thinking about when things go back to normal. when we are out in public … People are going to comment on my twins. I might punch them in the face. How do I not relive this every time someone says my kids are cute. Will I ever glow as a proud mom or always have to breath thru the pain?

It won’t be official until late tomorrow. They will give him a complete test to be absolutely sure. We pray for comfort and peace. Owen you are in the lights, but you won’t be coming home. I’ll leave them on anyhow.

Love, Mel

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173 Comments

Filed under Hospital Stay, Mommyhood Meditations

173 responses to “The truth is heavy

  1. Auntie "O"

    My heart is with your heart…

  2. Jessica Greb

    Melissa-my heart is weeping for you and your boys. I am in awe of your strength and hope you know how much you are loved. You are Owen’s angel!

  3. Angie Grows

    mel – we love you so much and are with you through this..i am so unbelievably sorry that you have to go through this – you are and always will be the mother of triplets. Owen is in the best hands – God’s hands..as are you. Much love

  4. unknown

    Mel I am so sorry for you & your family. Although I don’t know you I feel as if I have become part of your life somehow. Rechecking your blog every hour to see if theres a update if maybe Owen did something to show he as going to stay.I have no words to comfort you I only offer you my prayers. God Bless you all during this time.

    • another unknown

      There are probably hundreds of us “unknown” to you, fellow Christians who have been praying (and will keep doing so) for your Owen and your family, who found your blog via Facebook or some other friend of a friend connection. You are a wonderful communicator, Melissa; maybe someday you will be able to write a book or some articles for parents of SIDS babies, multiples or not. When folks ask if they’re twins, tell them they are triplets, because they are; puzzled look might bring further comment if you feel like it that day (one lives in heaven). God’s peace.

      • another prayer

        Keepin it short n simple I 2nd “another unknown” and will always keep you n your family in my prayers.GOD BLESS.

  5. May God’s love completely wrap around you and envelop you all…

  6. Jenn A.

    I am so very sorry.

    My family will put yours in our prayers. May you find strength.

  7. Amy Rosno

    This is not the news I had hoped and prayed for. Stay strong, Mel. Take comfort in all the lives little Owen has touched during his life You and your family will continue to be in my daily thoughts.

  8. jodi

    mel. my heart is broken for you. i am so sorry.

  9. Tanya

    Blessed are those who mourn for they shall be comforted.
    Love & Blessings to you. :’(

  10. Amy Joers

    There are no words to say that can make the pain and sorrow go away…I will continue to pray for Owen and your entire family. May God hold you all tight in his arms. God bless Amy

  11. My sincerest sympathy… lots of people (myself included) are praying for strength and peace for you and your family. God’s blessings….

  12. Lynn Diedrich

    There are no words dear Melissa. Please know that we are still praying for you, Owen, and your family as you go through this difficult and sad journey. One Day at a Time Melissa, One Day at a Time.

    Lynn

  13. Caryn

    I have no words that will take away your sadness, only prayers for you and your family.. You dont know me , but I am following this blog and I will pray today, and when I am done, I will pray some more…

  14. Sue Steldt

    Melissa,
    May God continue to hold you and your family in his arms and carry you through this difficult time. I continue to pray, it’s almost constant now, for all of you. If you need ANYTHING, please let me know what else I can do.
    Peace,
    Sue Steldt

  15. Katie Voss

    I am speechless. My head can’t think of the “right” words for you. My heart knows that there are no right words. Please know that I have so much love for you and your family. I will be pray for peace and healing for you all.

  16. I am praying for you. For all of you. My Grandmother, who lost one child to SIDS and another to a car crash… her words were that her children were not her own, but God’s children. Maybe that’s just plain wrong. Maybe its comforting… In any case, lifting you up in prayer.

  17. Colleen

    I am not sure I have any words to comfort you but please know I am thinking and praying for you, Owen and your family.

  18. Lisa

    A friend sent me your blog and I have been this so closely and praying for Owen and your family. My heart breaks for all of you and I continue to send prayers your way!!

  19. Lynn

    Melissa & Doug ~ My heart cries out for you and your precious family. You will always be the parents of triplets + Jaden. My prayers are with you and the medical staff as you work together through this most difficult time. I am so sorry! Words are not enough.

  20. I hope you don’t mind, I have added a link to your blog on my blog. THE POWER OF PRAYER. GOD BLESS YOU ALL! http://www.handsheartsquiverfull.com/2011/05/please-pray-and-spread-word-owen.html

  21. Lisa

    Bissing Family,

    I am so sorry. I don’t know what to say except I am so sorry. I do not know you, our paths will probably never cross but your story has touched my heart and has broken my heart. I can only understand a fraction of the pain you are feeling, and that fraction is unbearable enough, I can not imagine the whole extent of what you and your family is going through. I do not understand why this has happened, why this was GOD’s will. It seems cruel and unjust. Owen was a beautiful, healthy baby with an amazing family that stuck by his side and never gave up hope. He had many cheerleaders praying for his recovery. People like me who never got to see his sweet little smile, or hold his tiny little hand, but we loved him; Over the past couple of days Owen never left our thoughts and prayers.

    I wish with all my heart the results would have been different. I prayed for that 2%. I was so positive you would get your miracle. My heart aches for your family. I wish you the strength you need to get through this, and I will keep your family in my prayers.

  22. Bekki

    Mel there are no words to tell you how sad I am for you right now. The only thing I keep thinking about is how amazing and strong you are, and how you are an example to strive to be like as a woman and Christian. I have been blown away by your words during this tearful journey, and even more so by your faith. I know God is with you and Owen and the whole family, and He is the one who will help you on your journey to make sense of it all. Sending lots of love and hugs.

  23. Beth Anne

    Melissa,
    When the time is right, please feel free to contact me. I know all too well the feeling of being out in public and someone innocently referring to our boys as “twins”. And our older boys were 6 and 3 when they said good-bye to their sister. It is terribly painful when hopefulness turns into a different reality than one is praying for.
    Owen and your family are close to my heart.
    Beth Anne Krahn
    mom of 5, including triplets – two little boys I can hold in my arms and one sweet girl who is held in His arms

  24. Buffy

    I hope that you all find the strength to let your hearts heal I will say prayers every time I wake tonight. I hope that knowing there will still be a part of Owen in this world and not just in heaven will help your heart. ((hugs)) All my thoughts are with you all

  25. Rosie Steinbrecher

    Melissa & Doug I am so sorry,my heart aches for all of you.As I sit and read your blog the tears stream down my face.I will continue to pray for strength and peace for your family. Lots of hugs for all of you!!!!!

  26. Shelli

    My heart weeps for you during this unbearably painful time. I will continue to pray for a miracle . I will also pray for God to comfort you as His plan is revealed. I don’t know much, but I do know that you are now and will forever be a mom of triplets plus 1!

    In prayer,
    Shelli (Mom of triplets plus 1)

  27. karen

    I am so sorry to hear! May little Owen be at peace knowing everyone around him loves him so much. It is such a great thing that you guys are willing to donate everything you can. I such a horrible time for you, others will receive the miracle they have been waiting for. God bless you and your family. May you have the strength and courage to keep going.1

  28. Cathy

    Melissa,
    My heart aches for you and your family. I pray that you find strength. If there is anything I can do or bring to you, please let me know.
    God Bless,
    Cathy

  29. Haley

    Heartbroken for you. Still praying for a miracle. Praying for Owen, Weston, Logan and Jaden.

  30. Petra

    Sending love and hugs and praying for strength, comfort and support for all of you.

  31. Sara & Mike

    Oh Mel, I am so sorry to hear this news. My heart is breaking for you and your family. We are praying for all of you.

  32. Jessica

    I am so sorry this is not the outcome we have been hoping and praying for. I think it is a truly wonderful selfless thing you are doing by donating anything you can to help out other kids. My grandmother recieved a lung and she knew who the lung came from and they too knew who recieved it. Not sure if that varies from different states but I am glad your little Owen will live on in another little miracle. Some people only dream of angels…you held yours. We will continue to pray for you and your family.

  33. Casey Lemp

    Praying you find comfort in this time of need. My heart breaks for you and your family. I too am keeping my light on. Owen will live on, if not in his own flesh, but in the flesh of other children whose families are praying for a miracle of their own. You are a strong woman, and you and your husband will know what to do or say when the times comes to tell the other children.

  34. Eliza Otto (Schefus)

    If words could only take away your pain even if just for a moment I would say anything to make that happen. I am so sorry for you and your family. You are such a strong and amazing mom and woman and just reading words shows how much strength you have, you are one very strong person. I pray that you and your family may find peace in this sadness and a gilmer of hope off in the distance. Just know your sun will shine again one day. God Bless you all

  35. Barbara

    Mel,
    God be with you and your family. God’s answers to our prayer is not always the answer we want but He loves us so. Remember He gave His Son also that we might have eternal life. You will see Owen again.

  36. Missy

    We don’t know each other, but I have cried for you. I will have you in my prayers for a very long time.

  37. Becky

    Melissa and Family,

    My thoughts and prayers are with you at this time.

    Becky

  38. superjen

    You are so strong! I don’t know how but you are and you will get though this yes it will be hard but you will be strong for your boys. They know already they always know. Owen will always be with them and watching over you all. Keep being strong for your boys you are there rock. I am going to keep praying as long as you need.

  39. Vicki

    Praying for your strength, continued faith and endurance during this most difficult time. I am SO very sorry for your news. Your faith is a testimony to others. I will continue to pray that Owen will have his miracle. May God continue to be with you and your family.

  40. Lee-Ann

    I am so sorry. Owen will live on through the children he helps live and he will live on through you and Doug and your other boys. Loads of strength to help you and your family through this hard unfair time

  41. Please know that I am praying for you & your family right now. May God hold you very close through this time.

  42. Melanie

    I’m heartbroken for you. I’m continuing to pray for the miracle. Your faith in God is inspiring and I know that he will keep you close and help you and Owen through this.

  43. Jessica

    I do not know you, but I came across your story on a mutual friends fb page. I have been following you intently praying for you and your family ever step of the way. I am so deeply sorry for your unimaginable loss. Your sweet angel owen is now in the hands of god. Take comfort in knowing that you have the support and prayers of several people known or not that have and will be praying for you!

  44. Elizabeth

    I am so sorry to hear about this. Another triplet mom sent me the link.

    I have twins and something extremely similar just happened to me a month ago, in April. Unfortunately our little guy didn’t make it (he was a week old when he stopped breathing while nursing, suspected SIDS), but we had similar interventions to you with the cooling etc. Nothing worked. I too wonder about how his sister will feel when she learns she has a twin when she gets older…we are still dealing with the aftermath ourselves and it is horrible.

    It is very heartbreaking and I am thinking of you guys…if you want to talk, let me know.

  45. Amy

    Mel,

    I know it’s hard to believe now but you will find joy someday again. You will for the other 3 boys. They will remind you to keep fighting every day as you have for Owen. Stay strong. You have been an inspiration to me for so many months, now it’s my turn to hold you up in prayer. Know that when you can’t pray, we will for you. Please keep posting what you need prayer for so we can carry you through this difficult time. I pray peace for you all in this difficult time. Amy

  46. Brooke

    Mel and Doug,

    I am so sorry to hear about what happened and words simply can’t not express the pain your family is going thru. Just know that you have alot of people here to support you guys are that everyone is praying for little Owen. May God Bless you all.

  47. Cheryl Zima

    Dear Doug and Melissa,
    Our hearts ache with you more than words can ever express. You will always be the parents of beautiful triplets, but one of them will be watching over your family at God’s side. Bless you for the difficult decisions you have had to make and with time we hope and pray the pain will dim. Bless you for the gifts that you and Owen will give to other children, his legacy in his life will be the life he has given others. There is no greater to gift than to give life to others, through birth or death.

    May the Lord bless you, your family and those who love you. May he keep you close to his heart and guide you during these painful days.

    God bless.

  48. Cindy

    Praying for a miracle.

  49. C.H.

    Melissa,
    As I write this, I cant help but cry at the utter unfairness and sadness in this whole situation. Im a young 16 year old girl, a close friend of Jakes. Melissa, you are an inspiration to me. Being a young christian girl sometimes its hard for me to see other peoples faith when im surrounded by sin at my high school. But hearing your story and seeing all this support and prayer you have gotten reminds me that my Savior is alive and well. There hasnt been one minute these past few days when Owen hasnt come into my mind, not one minute when I havent prayed for your baby and for strength for your family. Somehow through all this I feel closer to God. Ive learned to cherish my moments on this earth with the ones I love because they are truly precious. I am keeping a light on for your baby. I will. Stay strong Melissa. And jake, Im here for you every step of the way. God works for the good of those who love him.<3

  50. Elizabeth

    Mel,
    I just don’t know how you are staying so strong thru all of this. It must be God’s power helping you. I pray all day for Owen. I pray for you and Doug to be strong. I pray that you find joy an happiness once again. May God bless you all and help you find the joy again.

  51. Sarah

    You don’t know me, but I’ve been reading along and I wanted to tell you that I’m here. My thoughts are with your family. I can only imagine the pain you must be in, and I can’t begin to say anything that seems worthwhile, but…I wanted you to know that I’m here and my heart hurts for you. I still wish for your miracle. I’m so sorry.

  52. Jenny

    It is still very early. I will be thinking of you. You never know in this world. I have twins and one of mine has a severe anoxic brain injury from a choking accident. No one knows i have twins – i have two singletons born on the same day. It hurts and will hurt forever – no matter what. Your life is probably different forever no matter the outcome, even if it is full recovery. Welcome to holland, my friend. Love and light to you.

  53. Scott and Sheri Greger

    Mel & Family,

    Words will never be enough to heal the pain your family is going through. We are praying that Jesus is holding you all in the palm of His hand. Our prayers are with you all!
    Scott and Sheri

  54. jen

    I truly admire your strength and faith in God… my heart and prayers are with you and your family!!!

  55. stephanie

    Still praying, let’s not give up on the little guy just yet. Owen I never meet you but I can feel your spirit all the way from Ghana your light has not burnt out. Still expecting a miricle ….

  56. Stacy

    Words are just words…they can’t take away the pain and sorrow. I wish there was SOMETHING we could do for you. You have an amazing spirit. Please reach out to us in any way….We are here for you and your family….Hugs…

  57. Bobbi Mangas

    My heart crys for your family. I have twin nieces, now 23 years old, and one of which is severely disabled and a 9 month age level. I know how hard it has been for her twin sister to live her normal life knowing of what Katie cannot do. I also know that faith and trust in God has got our family thru so much in the last 23 years. Thoughts and prayers will be with you in the days and weeks to come. Owen is one precious little guy!!

  58. I read of you this morning and thought of you all day. Thank you so much for donating your precious baby boy so that other families won’t feel this same pain. I cannot begin to imagine this hurt. My thoughts are with you all as you take your next steps.

    • Missi

      Just like many of the other commenters I do not personally know you. Your story has touched my heart. I have not given up and continue to pray for Owen’s miracle, but if it’s not to be and as you say it is someone else’s miracle, I pray for peace for your family and for Owen to fly with the angels!

  59. Melissa and Doug, I am sorry for your loss. I pray for healing for your family.

    Healing takes time. And nothing will ever change that Owen is your son. I believe you will find a way to explain your situation that you are comfortable with and that honors Owen. You will find the words. Try to be patient with yourself and with others the best you can– the way I think Owen would have. You will find the way and the right words.

    My words can’t take away your pain, but great is the love I see and feel being sent your way from all corners of the world, including this one.

    “Though my flesh and my heart fail, God is the rock of my heart, my portion forever.” – Psalms 73:26

  60. Barb

    Mel, I am so sorry for everything! I know this is hard for you.. I will never know just how hard.. You are an amazing woman, wife and mother! I have yet to meet you but from everything on the blogs and our conversations on Y!Messenger and myspace and fb, I feel as though I have known you alot longer than I have.. I am always here!

  61. Rebecca

    My heart is heavy & aches for you & your family. No mother should have feel the pain of losing a child. He is in the Lords hands now, and my family is lifting you up in prayer. I pray that the Lord holds little Owen close, and he’ll wait to see you all again. Always an angel to protect his family on the earth. Love and hugs your way.
    The Levings Family

  62. Katie Fromstein

    Mel and Bissing Family,

    I have been praying for you all and your sweet Owen, since I learned of your story on Monday, and I will continue to pray. I will pray for a miracle, God raised people from the dead, He can still perform a miracle. I pray for peace beyond all understanding for you and your family. Love to you all!

  63. Lauren Becker

    There are no words to make this better, I know you are an amazing person and mother. Know that we are all hear for you and your family during this very difficult time.

  64. Lauren Becker

    There are no words to make this better, I know you are an amazing person and mother. Know that we are all hear for you and your family during this very difficult time. Please keep everyone’s prayers and thoughts in your heart.

  65. Rebecca Becker

    My heart goes out to you & your family. I can’t imagine what you are going through… You are so brave & strong. Owen will remain in our memories & he will live on. The gift of life he is providing is a true miracle. God acts in mysterious ways… You remain in my thoughts and prayers as you go through this difficult time.

  66. Jamie Hewitt

    I am so sorry to hear this news. My heart breaks for you and your family. I will continue to pray for you all and for additional strength during this difficult time.

  67. Jennie

    My heart is heavy for you tonight. I have been praying fervently for your Owen and now as I learn his spirit rests with God, I pray fervently for you and your family. May the Lord of all peace and comfort be a very real presence for you. I am so very sorry . . .

  68. Marya

    Prayers for all. Strength to you. No words to help your heartache.

  69. Kathryn

    My heart is breaking for you, and I am sharing in your tears. I pray that God gives you strength and the words to tell your boys about their brother. This is NOT what we were praying for. ((hugs)) to the whole family. Please, please, please reach out to SEWMOT if you need ANYTHING. Praying for peace, comfort, and faith/trust that HE has a bigger plan then we can comprehend.

  70. oh mel…i have no words…only tears.

  71. Liane

    My heart is filled with sorrow reading your post. Please know that our thoughts and prayers are with you. May God be with you and comfort you all during such a difficult time. May he be there for baby Owen and hold his hand ever so tightly. I am so sorry to hear this news.

  72. Kristen

    Melissa, we have a mutual friend that shared your blog through fb. Know that you have another sister in Christ praying for you and your family.

  73. Mariola

    You are now and always will be a triplet mom. Don’t ever forget that – and those that don’t understand that don’t matter. My heavy heart and heart felt prayers are with you tonight and the days to come.

  74. AS

    I have no great words to offer – just thoughts, love, and peace.

  75. Jenny

    I feel like I have come to know your family the last few days. I anxiously check your blog several times a day hoping for a miracle for Owen. My God give you the strength you need. Feels His embrace around Owen and your family.

  76. Jenny Tornow

    Mel & Doug, Hugs to you. Kisses to sweet Owen. My heart breaks for you and the boys. I am thinking of you every day and wishing you comfort and peace. It is such a miracle you offer to other little ones and families during this time of crushing sadness

  77. Wendy

    Dear Bissing Family,
    This message was in a card that our family recieved after the death of our quad daughter . Please feel free to contact me in the future. Praying for comfort for your family!
    Wendy
    3 in my arms, 1 in HIS

    The Mansion of Heaven

    This world, however beautiful, was never meant to be
    The place that we would call our home for all eternity.
    And though we would not choose to leave,
    A loving God knows best.
    And in His time, He lifts us to a place of peace and rest.
    For He has built a mansion where His children will abide,
    Free from pain and sorrow, forever at His side.
    He said He’d never leave us to face our trials alone,
    And though sometimes we fail Him, He never fails His own.
    And even when our choices are less than He would ask,
    He knows when human courage is unequal to the task.
    We cannot judge what happens,
    Though tears and questions start–
    We only see what’s visible—God sees into the heart…
    And though there may be many things
    That we cannot explain,
    We can be sure it breaks His heart
    To see His children’s pain.
    In loving arms, He bears us to a quiet place apart
    Where He mends the wounded spirit
    And heals the broken heart.
    And though these ones we love so much
    Have left our present sight
    And passed into a better world of majesty and light,
    Someday we’ll be together in our Father’s home above,
    Where we’ll thank Him for His mercy
    And praise Him for His love.
    May God ease your hour of sorrow
    And surround you with His love,
    And may it bring you strength to know
    Our Father’s house above
    Is a house of many mansions
    Where His Son has set aside
    Special places near Him
    For His loved ones to abide.

  78. Nick

    Hi I don’t know you. My wife is friends with a friend of yours. But I am a dad of two – 5 years and 6 months. I can’t imagine. I can’t pretend to understand. I have a heavy heart tonight knowing this. I am amazed at the strength and poise you have shown. You are a strong person and know that I for one will praying for you, Owen, you boys, and the family and lives of those that Owen will be saving. God Bless you.

  79. Melissa

    A friend shared your blog on fb, and reading back a few pages I loved seeing the pictures on Mother’s Day of you and your boys. My heart sunk, and ached, and I cried as I kept reading the more current blog entries.

    You are one strong momma! I admire you. If I am ever faced with this situation, I could only hope I have half the strength and courage that you do. You are such an inspiration!

    “I can do everything through him who gives me strength.”
    Philippians 4:13

  80. Sue

    Prayers are being sent from my heart, stay strong your light will be on forever in your family.It will shine through all of you.

  81. Erin King

    I am an old friend of the Zima’s. I saw what Rachelle posted on fb and have prayed for you. God is good even when circumstances do not make it appear to be so. I pray you can find consolation in tha, if not today, someday.

  82. Trina and Terry Gardner

    My heart aches for you and your family. You have shown incredible strength in your writings and Owen was blessed to have you as his mother. His light will always be with you and your family. Owen’s spirit will live through the incredibly lucky person/s who receive a small part of Owen so that they may live on. You are very brave and bless your whole family.

  83. I am so very sorry. Words just can’t convey the thoughts and feelings I want to wrap around you, protect you, to protect Owen. All I can do is pray that one day you can find peace. Praying for strength for you and your family during this unimaginable time.

  84. Barb

    The only words that come to mind is I AM SORRY!!!! I too feel as if i have grown close to ur family in just these short few days when a dear friend of mine linked me to sweet little Owens story! U have been in mine and my childrens thoughts and prayers every morning and night since! Now our prayer for tonight will be for u and ur family to have the strength that is needed tomarrow to get thru this! Thank you so much for sharing sweet little Owens story with all of us and updating everyone even when these precious moments with ur son are passing by so quickly! My heart breacks for u and ur family! But remember the love of God is strong and there is a reason for everything that happens on this earth. we may not know the rymn or reason for anything that happens but always remember that Gods will is always done.

  85. Lisa

    You don’t know me as I heard of your story through facebook this morning. I have been thinking of you and your family all day. I really thought this morning that Owen would pull through and be part of the 2%. I cannot imagine how you, your husband and your beautiful children are feeling. I am praying for you and your family as no one should have to go through what you are going through right now. You seem like a strong person and I know God has a plan for your little boy. I pray for you and your family during this very difficult time.

  86. Carly

    I am so sorry. Sending all my thoughts and prayers to Owen.

  87. Words cannot express what I am feeling for you right now even though I do not know you. I will pray for your peace, for God to uplift your family in this time and for you find to find comfort in HIS embrace as you begin to face life without your precious Owen. I know that he will live on in your hearts, minds and in the smiles of your other boys. What a beautiful gift you are giving to other families through your own tragedy. What a beautiful contribution Owen will make to this world despite is too short life. May God be with you and bless you always.

  88. sherry merritts

    so sorry to hear about little owen, may God hold you all tight in his arms

  89. Laura's Sister

    Mel and Family,
    I’m digging so deep for words to say to you right now. Laura has been keeping me updated, and I’ve been checking your blog every hour. I have been praying continuously and believing God for a miracle. Although we haven’t officially met, I’ve grown very close to your family in these precious days. You have endless courage and strength, and are a true reflection of God’s grace and love. God is all powerful and always moving – maybe we just don’t know or understand what that direction is right now. Maybe Owen is playing a bigger role in God’s plan than we can comprehend or imagine. We will continue to pray for peace for your family.
    With much love,
    Melissa and Mitchell Swink

  90. Missy

    My heart is heavy as I pray for your family’s peace tonight…your faith is amazing and Owen is such a blessed little boy to have been born to such a loving, prayerful woman. God bless you and wrap you in His arms tonight.

  91. leanne

    my thoughts are with you and your family and for little owen on his journey. May the prayers from around the world give you the strength that you will need to carry on.
    Thinking of you
    Leanne (Australia)

  92. Michelle

    Mel and family,

    My sister Cheryl is a coworker of yours and shared your story with me this morning and asked me to pray for little Owen and I have done that all day. I am so sorry for your loss. We can never understand why God chooses to call some home to him especially at Owens young life, but your faith will get you through. Don’t stop believing. I will continue to pray tonight and hope that the miracle you have asked for is yours tomorrow even aganist all odds.

    Guess this is why we teach our children to pray:
    Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my sould to keep, if I should die before I wake I pray the Lord my soul to take.

    I will continue to pray for you and your family to find the strength to get through this time.

    Michelle

  93. Melissa Sonnemann

    Your family is my thoughts and prayers. You have such strength. God bless you and Little Owen.

  94. ksp

    I’m so sorry. My thoughts and prayers for Owen are with you and your family.

  95. Erin Anderson

    There are no words. I am so sorry. My heart breaks for your family. Stay strong and love each other. I am in awe of your grace.

  96. Shely Hanson

    Words escape me… I am so sorry. I am still holding on to hope. There is always a light on in my house!

  97. Teri

    Such a little boy to touch the hearts of so many. I will remember him as he was-a sweet baby boy in the pictures on your blog. My heart aches for him, and your family. Your generosity in donating is amazing and will bring joy to many families. I wish this didn’t happen to your family. I pray for peace and healing for you, comfort in the memories of Owen before this tragedy. You are so strong ,and a loving mother to all your boys-especially to Owen, in heaven. God bless you, lean on him. So many people are praying for you!

  98. There are no words.
    Well, I have a couple… grace. brave. giving. strong.
    You are all in my thoughts and prayers. As are everyone that is touched by Owen’s gifts.

  99. I am so sorry to hear this, I know what you are going through I lost my 2 month old daughter on april 10th of this month, If you ever want to talk find me on facebook, again so sorry and my prayers will be with you.

  100. summer

    strangers do love you, baby boy. i am so so sad for your family – you are in my prayers

  101. I am so sorry. We have not met, we are not friends in real life, but we are both triplet moms and my heart is breaking for you.

  102. Kim Zastrow

    Don’t give up hope just yet !!!

  103. Julie Bigley

    Mel and family,
    I know of your family because I work at Willow Springs in Jaden’s classrooms on Friday’s so I have heard many stories about “his babies” during my weekly visits to the classroom. I just want to tell you that my family is also praying as hard as we can for your family and we will continue to do so.

  104. another unknown

    Another nameless person who has been touched & inspired by your blog, your love for your boys, your faith and relationship with God. No words can express my sorrow and sincere sympathy. I echo the words of so many before me… You *are* a mother of triplets. Owen will never be forgotten. His light lives on in your love, memories, and the gift of life. Sending thoughts & prayers for peace and strength to carry you through the days ahead.

  105. erin

    i couldnt even eat dinner tonight thinking of you and your family…you are in my thoughts and prayers. i wish better for you than this….

  106. stephanie

    Im so sorry! I know you dont know me but if there is anything you need at all please let me know. I have not stopped thinking about you or your family since I first read your story! Im keeping you guys in my thoughts and hoping for a hug marical over night!

  107. Jessie Lane

    I am praying for your strength, for the tears to relieve the pain, for the moments of happiness when Owen made you smile to overwhelm you and for God to take the pain. I am touched by your strength, understanding that God is in control. Your decision to allow other children a second chance is brave and amazing! I am an ICU nurse and this is the hardest decision I see families make. I will pray for you all, your children, Owen, and you two. May God hold you all tighter than ever!

  108. Carola

    So do not fear, for I am with you;
    Do not be dismayed, for I am your God,
    I will strengthen you and help you;
    I will uphold you with my rightous right hand.
    Isaiah 41: 10

  109. Heather

    I am so sorry… I wish I had the right words that would make you feel better…

  110. Katie

    Thank you for sharing your story…it has broken my heart, I have prayed more today than I have in a long time, but it has also made me realize how fragile life is. Today I hugged my kids tighter, and said more prayers of thanksgiving…I also mourned for you and your family and wished things could be different. Your strength and unwavering belief and trust in God are an inspiration. Owen will be with me always too. I have a friend who is a mom to an angel…and she believes every penny she finds out and about are pennies sent from heaven from her daughter…a reminder that she is always there and with her. I hope you find some kind of peace…some reminder that Owen will always be with you…he will.
    Gods comfort. And thank you for helping make a miracle for someone else…

  111. Sara Quigley

    Hey Melissa-

    We are thinking and praying for you all. You are an amazing Mother with such strength and faith. You exemplify what a “super” mom is. Owen will forever hold a place in your hearts and will give you strength when you need it, and guide his brothers through life.

    Please let us know if you need anything. Owen has touched so many.

  112. Rose

    Your family was my first waking thought today. I am praying for you so strongly, that you all may receive comfort during this time and in the days/months/years that lie ahead. I heard about your story from Molly, and though we’ve never met, please know that I send so much love, and am so very, very sorry to know that you are going through this. I’m sorry that words don’t really suffice. You will be in my thoughts always.

  113. Jann Hedden

    Jesus said to her, “I AM the resurrection and the life. He who believes in ME will live, even though he dies; and whosoever lives and believes in ME will never die. Do you believe this?” John 11:26

    Jesus wept. John 11:35

  114. Another Mel

    Thank you for finding the strength not only to share your incredible story, but in this incredibly painful time to give other babies the gift of Owen’s life through donation!!! As the mother of a young daughter with several medical issues, I know how much your selfless gift will mean!

  115. Tanna

    I’m so sorry. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

  116. Anonymous

    My prayers continue to be with you and your family, and with sweet little Owen. I am so very sorry for the difficult road you are suddenly on. I hope someday you are able walk that road without such heavy footsteps. May peace be with all of you.

  117. Fel

    I am so sorry. My tears streaming down as I was reading your blogs. My thoughts and prayers are with you and family.

  118. Kathleen

    Dear Bissings.
    I have been praying for you too. I got your story on our facebook group Pray for Regina. Our precious daughter(11) was sick for a month in Children’s Hospital in Pittsburgh. We had so many ups and downs. We finally had to turn everything off April 20th of this year. She was our youngest of 8 children. Our kids say the same thing what do you say when people comment on our family but Regina is missing. We had a first tonight without her, our son graduated from high school. I don’t know if it gets better as we also are just starting the same journey. But know I prayed so hard; I did not want one more Mom to know the pain we are going through. There are no words right now. God Bless, Kathy Sweeney and Gang

  119. Sheila

    My heart is with you tonight. I just learned of your story from another mom of triplets, and read your recent blog posts. I’m praying for sweet Owen, for you and all your family.
    If you are looking for information and support from other parents of multiples who understand the pain of losing a beloved child, you are welcome to visit http://www.multiplebirthscanada.org/english/loss.php
    Sheila, mom of triplets, Multiple Births Canada

  120. prayers from an unknown friend

    My heart is breaking; half into,
    and it seems there’s nothing I can do.
    Many have helped me, along the way,
    I pray to make it just one more day.
    I have heard that Time does heal,
    through my distress, I’ve lost my will.
    God can you help me?
    Why did this happen to me?
    The grief seems more than I can bear,
    please God, sustain me, is my prayer.
    In the comfort of your loving arms,
    soothe my fears
    May your Angels keep me in all your ways
    and help me deal with my dark-filled days.
    Bestow upon me your mercy and grace,
    until that day I see his face.
    My pain will then cease, I’ll understand all,
    why you chose him, and he answered your call.

  121. Paula

    I dont know you but I am also a triplet mommy. I have your story posted on my FB wall. I want to just say Owen is in my prayers as well as the rest of your family.I am so sorry you have to go thru this….

  122. Ann

    I can’t stop thinking about you all. I will keep you all in my prayers. Please let all of us in SEWMOT know if you need anything.

  123. Amy

    Your poise and strength through this all is truly admirable. Your boys are lucky to have you. I know that you will continue to be strong for them but please don’t forget that you are surrounded by people who will be there for you if you need a little help. Still praying and sending you all lots of love.

  124. Carol

    We are out here, unknown though we may be, but strong in our prayers for your family. My heart goes out to you! I am so sorry

  125. Kjersti Rhodes

    Melissa and family,
    It breaks my heart to hear this news. I was and still am hoping for the best for your beautiful little man. It’s no consolation, but your gift of donation is amazing. As an ER RN, I can validate how amazing this gift is. Your little boy will live on through many others. The lucky one to get his heart will love like he/she has never been hurt, because Owen is in him. The lucky one to get his eyes will see the world as bright and shining, because Owen is in him. Because Owen couldn’t stay on this earth, many others will get the chance to do amazing things in his name. I hope you some day can tell his siblings what a wonderful and amazing gift their little brother was and always will be to everyone. I am sending you all the strength I can to get through this. I’m so so sorry.

  126. If you believe in the chance of a miracle, write a letter to the Lubavitcher Rebbe and ask for a miracle of healing. Many in the Jewish faith have done this, and when he was alive he performed miracles and after his passing he continues to intercede for us on earth.

    Ohelchabad.org

  127. I am so very sorry … my prayers are with you tonight.

  128. Carrie

    I know there are no words to make the pain go away, you don’t know me but your words and your amazing strength make me believe that Owen is and always will be in great hands and lives inside you and your family forever!! He will continue to make you a fighter and a believer. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers tonight and always.

  129. marissaburt

    I am so sorry to hear that Owen might be gone. I will be thinking of you – praying for courage, hope, the strength you need to grieve, and how to grieve with your sweet little family. Peace+

  130. Becky

    You are all in my thoughts and prayers. I can’t begin to comprehend what you are feeling, but you are amazing people of faith and strength allowing other people to benefit from your deepest pain. God Bless you all and keep you in his hands.

  131. jackie

    i held my 2 boys close to me tonight as we prayed for you and all your boys. stay strong! God bless you and your family.

  132. Annie

    Mel, I wish I didn’t know of you, I wish you were a complete, happy stranger to me- as I am to you. If you were a complete stranger to me, I wouldn’t have been asked to pray for your sweet son… He would still be the happy, gurgling, giggly baby you have loved beforee God placed him in your arms.

    I pray that Owen is covered in peace and light and beauty. I pray he knows you are near- he needs you almost as much as he needs his Heavenly Father. I pray for your strength, I pray you will be lifted up, I pray for peace for your family, I pray for your family’s eventual healing, and I pray for Owen’s complete, perfect healing in God’s arms.
    Phil. 1:3 – I thank my God upon every remembrance of you.
    Peace,
    Annie

  133. Katie Sanders

    I just wanted to say that I am deeply sorry for Little Owen.I have been reading ur post daily and I can’t even imagine what your going through or feeling.I’m a twin mom and I wouldn’t know what to do or feel if I was in your situation.Just know that myself,family and my friends have and will be praying for you and your family.You were always talking about leaving the light on for Owen so I found this for you…..
    The little one we long for
    Was swiftly here and gone.
    But the love that was then planted
    Is a light that still shines on.
    And though our arms are empty,
    Our hearts know what to do.
    Every beating of our hearts
    Says that we do love you

    I hope that you find your answers if whatever way that you can and I pray that oneday that you find closure which I’m sure will be very hard!Sending prayers to you and your family from mine! HUGSSS!!!!

  134. Unknown

    I don’t know you but have been following your blog since seeing it on many facebook walls throughout this past week. I cannot put into words my sympathy to you, Owen and your entire family. After reading your posts, I’m inspired by your strength, encouragement and most of all, your faith, throughout this entire process. My heart absolutely aches for you and I will continue to keep you and your family in my daily prayers. Stay strong.

  135. Helen Egbert

    My heart is broken for you. Owen is, was, and always be, a part of the love of your family. May God help you through this difficult time. May God bless you for sharing the blessing that was Owen, not only through donation, but through the many hearts and lives you have touched with your blog. You are in my prayers. My Eoin will continue to pray for you and your Owen. God bless you.

  136. Sarah

    Although we are strangers, we continue to shed tears and lift up prayers for Owen and your family at our house. What an amazing life Owen has lived in 6 months. He has touched so many people with his struggle and his spirit these last few days. We will continue to pray for a miracle for Owen, and for your family and the families of the others he will save if the miracle is not for him. Know that you are all in our hearts.

  137. Liz

    I am so, so very sorry for what you are all going through. I am sobbing and heartbroken and I don’t even know you personally. I wish so much I could take some of this pain away from you and your family.

    I wish I could think of some way that when people comment on your cute twins how that won’t be a painful reminder. I hope that somehow you are able to turn it into a happy thought of how very important Owen’s time here has been and how many people he will be saving.

    He is at peace. You have been with him and stayed with him. Countless others have been praying for him and your whole family. He is loved.

    The selfless act of donating his organs will bring good news to many parents. He and his spirit will live on through many others.

  138. Tiffany Bennett

    Our thoughts and prayers are with you, all the way from Newfoundland, Canada, Owen, Mel and the rest of your family. May God grant all of you strength. My heart aches for you…

    Love,
    the Bennett family

    xoxoxox

  139. Jennifer Buschmann

    We are so very sorry to hear he is not doing well. We are praying for a miracle for your sweet Owen ♥…you all are in our thoughts and prayers ♥

  140. unknown

    Prayers are with you. God is wrapping his arms around you, around Owen and the rest of your beautiful family.

  141. kimberly

    My heart is breaking – I can’t imagine what your heart feels like right now.

    I still believe God can heal Owen. Don’t lose hope just yet!

    I will continue to pray for your sweet Owen, you, your husband, and your other sweet boys.

    Love in Christ,
    Kimberly

  142. Angie

    mel- i am friends with the zimas. melissa has told me what has happened and from there i read your blogs. saying im sorry doesnt even seem like enough to say to you, but i am truely sorry for what you are having to go through. i cannot imagine how hard this is for you. however, i must say that i look up to and admire you as a person for how strong you are being. your sons are truely lucky to have you as a mother. i will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers to help keep your strength and to bring you peace
    sincerely, Angie

  143. Tina Tessar

    I will b praying for baby Owen that he pulls though this. My prayers and thoughts are with you and your family.

  144. Mary Patterson

    Sending love & prayers for all of you right now. Also, I am asking God to surround you with His amazing arms of love & grace. He will help you through this no matter what the outcome. I am still praying for a miracle in sweet Owen’s life. Bless you for your faith & strength – what a tremendous witness for our Lord you have been and will continue to be. May God uphold you all with His strong arms. Rely on Him.

  145. elizabeth w

    I sit here and just say “Oh God.” I can’t think of what else to say. That heavy sorrow, the waiting..
    I was there in a different way. I hear what you are saying about wondering if people are going to say what cute twins you have…that thought crossed my mind right away. Only because everytime I am asked “HOW MANY?” I debate..should I tell them the truth? Most of the time I do. I believe it helps others to know and appreciate how precious life is, and there are times I say nothing, simply because I don’t have the energy or I don’t want to deal with them and I would punch them in the face. You are allowed whatever feeling you have, and are able to say and think whatever you want. Grief and sorrow give you a pass..for a VERY long time. But believe me, you will in time, glow in beauty and pride with your children here on earth, while (feeling) Owen still present with you. It has been almost six years since I said goodbye to my teenage daughter. I felt only cement and pure emptiness in my soul, hatred towards any life, and pure hell at just exsisting at times, along with complete peace, love and acceptance. That will NOT make sense to many, but it may make sense to you…I was and am totally grateful I have other children that forced me to live and love my way through the pain. They DO NOT replace her, as your living children will never replace OWEN. Hearing Owens name, remembering him at holidays, birthdays, such a gift…I know you will do ok..you really will. For now, it is one step, one light, one breath at a time. You are doing an amazing job being Owens mom. He is very proud.

  146. I’m leaving a light on tonight for Owen too.

    Still praying. Buckets of prayers.

  147. kellie

    Mel,i do not know you or your family but i have been following your blog .you are a very strong woman ,as i have lost 2 sweet baby boys my heart hurt,s but i know that GOD needed them for something very special ,they will never know pain or hunger they will always be loved and in the hands of comfort ,i will leave several lights on for baby Owen ,and continue lots of prayers ,i have sat here and cried reading your blogs ,may GOD wrap you and your family in strength ,courage .

  148. anonymous

    Melissa, you and I went to St Norbert together, though I only knew you through mutual friends, which is also how I got connected to your blog tonight. My heart is aching for your family. Your strength is an inspiration and Owen has Ben lucky to have you by his side, to have you as his mother. I pray for peace for you and your family.

  149. Laura

    Dear Melissa and Doug,
    My heart aches for you, for Owen, and for his brothers. I learned the answers to your questions after losing one of my twin baby boys. The answers are different for every parent and for every family. Please take care of yourselves. Seek counseling, even if you think you can handle this on your own. You’re at the beginning of a long roller coaster ride – and it’s so difficult. You’ll get through this, but not alone. Talk, cry, scream, question, and write with impunity. Accept offers of help, and don’t be afraid to ask for help.
    You’ve got a legion of prayer warriors out here, and we’ll continue to send up prayers for you and your family. God bless.

  150. anonymous in San Diego, CA

    A light is on in Carlsbad, CA for you, your family and baby Owen. The previous comments are so lovely and I second all of them. God Bless Owen.
    Cynthia

  151. S

    I am so sorry for what you are going through. I, too, have an Owen. I also have a little boy who will need a new kidney, he is 8 months old. I have met so many moms whos babies have died while awaiting an organ transplant because there aren’t enough mothers and fathers like you. I want to commend you and your husband for having the heart to donate. Little Owen will live on. You can give the gift of life. May God be with you during this difficult time.

    Try to stay away from the question, Why?

    You may never know why.

    ((hugs))

  152. Stephanie

    Melissa,

    My heart goes out to you and your family. You have amazingly strong faith my friend and I know God is working through you and Owen right now. I pray that you feel His presence tonight and tomorrow! No words I can offer could ever give you the comfort you need. I wanted to share this devotion in hopes it might help.

    Come to me and rest in My loving Presence. You know that this day will bring difficulties, and you are trying to think your way through those trials. As you anticipate what is ahead of you, you forget that I am with you—-now and always. Rehearsing your troubles results in experiencing them many times, whereas you are meant to go through them only when they actually occur. Do not multiply your suffering in this way! Instead, come to Me, and relax in My Peace. I will strengthen you and prepare you for this day, transforming your fear into confident trust. Matthew :28-30; Joshua 1:5,9

    I will lift you, your family and especially your sweet Owen up before the Lord. Sending many hugs!!!

  153. Tamara Whelan-Malone

    My heart is breaking for you. The hardest part of loving unconditionally, loving like a mother, is knowing that the most loving thing you can do is let go. I have not only been touched deep to my soul by your beautiful son, but by your Faith, Grace and abounding selflessness as you grieve the loss of Gods most precious gift to you, your child. I pray that you continue to find strength, and know that when nothing makes sense and the world feels upside down, hold on tight, more will be revealed. His plan is perfect even when it makes no sense. God bless you and keep you Owen

  154. Amy

    I’m another friend-of-a-friend and I just found your story today. The web of people who are praying for you – known and unknown – is vast and I hope that brings you some comfort. I pray for “one set of Footprints” for you and your family over the impossible days to come.

  155. Sarah & Aj

    My heart aches for you and your family. Our love and prayers go out to you.

  156. Sarah

    Being a SEWMOT mom, as many of us are, I have faced this fear and my heart is heavy for you and your family. Please know we are praying for you during this impossible time. There are no words to help, I know. You are a part of a sisterhood that is hurting with you!

  157. Jen

    I am at a loss for words. I have a heavy heart. I wish for a miracle for precious Owen. You are in my thoughts and prayers. I will let a light burn for Owen.

  158. Leatrice (Nehs) Ciaravella

    I am so terribly sorry that you and your family are going through this horrible time. I know God is watching over Owen and I know he can bring some peace into your hearts in the coming days. I can tell your faith is strong and I know you will make it through this.

    “If you have faith as small as a mustard seed you can say to this mulberry tree ‘be uprooted and planted in the sea,’ and it will obey you.” Luke 17:6

  159. I’m so incredibly sorry for what your family is going through. I will continue to pray for Owen and your family.

  160. Debbie

    Mel,
    A night of tears… God bless you and dear Owen.

  161. Jacquita Schecter

    I am so sorry that you are going through this.. I pray that God will comfort you in this time and will carry you through it..

  162. I don’t know you, but I heard about your story from Mandy King…I just wanted to tell you how much my heart aches for you, and that I am so sorry you are going through this. I will continue to keep Owen and your family in my thoughts and prayers. I am Jewish, and there is a prayer we say when we mourn the loss of someone important in our lives…I am sharing it here in the hopes that it can help you in this terrible time: In the rising of the sun, and in its going down, we remember them. In the blowing of the wind, and in the chill of winter, we remember them. In the opening of the buds, and in the rebirth of spring, we remember them. In the blueness of the skies, and in the warmth of summer, we remember them. In the rustling of the leaves, and in the beauty of autumn, we remember them. In the beginning of the year, and when it ends, we remember them. As long as we live, they too will live; for they are now a part of us as we remember them. When we are weary and in need of strength, we remember them. When we are lost and sick at heart, we remember them. When we have joy we crave to share, we remember them. When we have decisions that are difficult to make, we remember them. When we have achievements that are based on theirs, we remember them. As long as we live, they too will live; for they are now a part of us as we remember them. Owen will always be a part of you because you and so many others will remember him, every step of your lives.

  163. Barbara Larson & Family

    God’s peace to you, your husband and family.
    Owen’s miracle through all of this was you.
    He will live on in his eternal life as well as on earth; yet, another miracle. :/ In time, strength, clarity, understanding, peace.

  164. Friend of a friend

    Mel,
    Our Bible study group and I have been praying for you, your husband, and your family, in addition to prayers for Owen. Your question about what to say in public caught my attention…… Long story short here….. but here goes….
    Met my childhood sweetheart at a 20th high school reunion. The only one I ever attended. He mentioned his wife wasn’t able to come. They had triplets, and he mentioned how they too, lost one of their three. He was just devastated, it was so painful. Heartwrenching. A few months later, his father passed away. I got the guts to call him, to personally touch base with him regarding the loss of his father. With my brain working faster than my mouth, I spewed, “How are your triplet twins?” He said it was the nicest thing anyone had ever said. That they were all remembered…. I hope maybe in some small way this might help you. Owen will never be forgotten. God has a Master Plan for all of us…. It’s just that we don’t get to see the blueprint. ( Nor comment how we feel it should go.) I hope to ask God why he thought some parts of his plan were the right decision…especially in instances like yours. But I am again reminded about faith, and the need to truly believe in all of his plan, (not just parts of it!) and to honestly put my trust and faith in Him.
    They will always be the 3 Amigos. I am so very sorry for your loss.
    Mary

  165. Pingback: Top Posts — WordPress.com

  166. NinaW

    Dear Mel,
    I found your blog through a friend of a friend, so you don’t know me. But I am so sorry for your loss. Our first child, our son Connor, was stillborn due to Potter’s Syndrome. We know all too well the pain of losing a child. Please feel free to contact me if you ever need to vent, or cry, or scream, or just want to know how to keep going.

    Yes, there were days when someone asked “How many kids do you have?” and I wanted to punch them for bringing the pain fresh anew. From your posts, I can see you are a strong woman. Not now, not in the near future, but sometime you will be able to handle those questions.

    May God continue to bless you, and care for your dear Owen until you are all reunited in His heaven.

    NinaW

  167. darlene Keeling

    Dear Mel and family
    There are no words I can say to your family,but I pray that God will give you all the strength during time of sorrow. I will continue to ask the Lord to keep your faith strong. God Bless
    Darlene

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