Category Archives: Advice

All the things I wish I would have known.

December 31, 2012 · 8:54 pm

Happy New Year! 2013

Wow … another year has passed.  How time flies!  I took the triplets to their 2 year check up this morning.  They are 10 lbs apart!!!  Logan and Jaden are only 6 lbs apart.  Weird how genetics work.

I took a look back at my resolutions for 2012 … I didn’t do horrible, but I didn’t accomplish all that I had wanted to.

Cook with more vegetables.

Well I started the year off pretty well with this one.  I made a homemade chicken pot pie … lots of veggies in that one!  I did, however, make keeping fresh fruits in the refrigerator part of my weekly shopping trip.  I have the boys hooked on apple slices and oranges.  So I wouldn’t call this one a total loss … but I still have some improvement to do.

Publisher

I did research!  I actually took a class at UW-Waukesha called “How to Get Published.”  I have TONS of notes on how to get a book published.  I guess the next step would to actually take a step.  Who knows … maybe I’ll actually get around to that when all the dishes are all washed (and put away), the boys are fed, laundry clean and the kids are in bed.  Who am I kidding?!?  If all those things happened at the same time I’d be in bed by 9pm :)

Hang pictures.

Yeah …. I think I hung one.  And it was on a nail that was already in the wall from the previous owners.  Big FAIL on this one haha  Oh well …. life still keeps going and God still loves me.  I have found lots of time for crocheting hats & blankets and doing pinterest projects.  I’m not sure it counts towards this resolution, but it does go to show that I had some fun and not all work in 2012.

What are your New Year resolutions?  Got any ideas on what I should work on?  I’m not feeling very motivated to goal plan right now.  Maybe I’ll end up with “second quarter” new year resolutions …

I do think having yearly goals are important.  I was actually pumped to sign the square “made 2012 resolutions” in one of those ice breaker BINGO games.  Looking for things to improve in your life and in yourself are important.  It’s important as moms that we invest in ourselves and we work on the things that are still important to us.  Yes, our families usually come first but we still need to be a role model in how to care for yourself.  One day our little ones will be in charge of themselves … they will need to know how to be their own care giver.  Act in a way that we hope our children will act one day.

So … I’m going to keep brain storming on what my resolutions for 2013 will be.  Unless you’ve got a good idea for me??

Love, Mel

1 Comment

Filed under Advice, Holidays, Posted by Melissa

Tagged as , , , , ,

March 5, 2012 · 11:25 pm

Value

How do you measure your value?  How do you know you are valuable?  I was thinking about this on my way home tonight.  I really
don’t feel like I matter to this person.   In fact, in this particular case, reading a book was more important that talking with me and keeping me company on the ride home.

I don’t want to come off as self-righteous and say that there is nothing more important that talking with me.  That is CERTAINLY not the case!  There are plenty of things that are much more important than me in this world.  Tonight was about a person who is very special to me – we haven’t spent time together in a really long time and I missed them.  When they made it brutally clear that they didn’t want to talk with me, I felt pretty crummy.  How could a 200 page book, made of paper, be more valuable than a person?  Someone you supposedly care about?

It got me thinking … How do I show others that they are valuable to me?  What do I value in myself?

Right on cue, this song started playing …

Who will love me for me
Not for what I have done
Or what I will become
Who will love me for me

So many of our relationships are ruined in this world.  Relationships are messy.  They have scares, grudges, hurt, lies … I think I can speak for most – we all just want to feel loved.  To be accepted just as we are, imperfections and all.  I don’t want someone to try to change me – frankly I like some of my scars.  They help tell my story.  They are my learnings.  Proof that I have learned things along the way.  That I am stronger today and I was yesterday.  But what about the things that I am not proud of?  Will someone still love me then?

I am uncertain of myself at times – I need to talk things through, out loud.  I need reassurance in life, more than others at times.  I have an incredibly immature sense of humor – I’m sorry but the word butt or wiener just never get old in my book.  Who is going to love me even when I don’t act my age?  Do they get all embarrassed of me and tell me to knock it off … or do that laugh, blush and move on – because they know it’s just me.  Who is going to love me when I’m crabby or having a bad day?

I want to matter.  I want to feel valuable to those who I hold close to my heart.  I feel like a deflated balloon when someone choses such silly, material things rather than a person.  A human has feelings, a book does not.  And sometimes someone else’s feelings matter more than what you’d rather do.  Really, whose feelings would have been crushed had you put your book down and just took 30 mins to talk to me?  Honestly, no one’s.  You might not have gotten to do what you wanted to … but the other person wouldn’t feel so invaluable tonight.

Makes me really think about who loves me … for me?  Not for what I have done or what I what I will become.  But loves me for just plain old me.

Love, Mel

4 Comments

Filed under Advice, Mommyhood Meditations, Posted by Melissa

Tagged as , , , , , , , ,

January 31, 2012 · 11:01 am

What makes you happy?

I knew that feeling “yucky” again was only a matter of time.  I didn’t really believe I was ‘back to my old self.’  Not really.  That’s one of the things I took away from the last session of Healing Hearts.  It’s when you think you are doing better that it hits you in the face and you are ten steps behind again.

Depression or feeling lost has been a friend of mine since I was probably 13 years old.  I’ve always struggled with my self-image, what I wanted to do, belonging.  I’ve always questioned if I was serving my purpose in life.  I remember when I was first approached by my doctor about starting anti-depressants.  I thought it was going to change who I was … who God had designed me to be.  My pain was a part of me.  Was it right to change that pain?  To eliminate a part of me that felt the strongest?

An amazing friend took me out for dinner at Chi Chi’s (have no idea why I still remember that part of the story).  He told me that he lives with ADD … he took medicine to help him focus.  He never ever told anyone …. he was so embarrassed.  But it was at that moment that I realized I loved him even more for being honest about who he was, “flaws” and all.  It wasn’t something to be ashamed of.  It wasn’t something that changed who he was.  His soul was still present.  It helped him to be a better him.  It was just a means for him to be who God had made him.

So I found myself starting the anti-depressants my freshman year of college.  You know what?  I’m just a better me.  I’m a me that can get out of bed each day, who doesn’t get swallowed up in the pits of life.  The reality of it is though … the small pill doesn’t fix everything.  I still have my pits, my down falls and my really shitty days.  I have a week or two that I just don’t want to.  That’s just where I find myself right now.  But it’s a phase.  I won’t let it last forever.

I took a lot of time in college trying to figure out what made me happy.  I had to find a way to survive.  I couldn’t stop the waves of depression from taking hold of my life, but I could find ways that would help me kick it faster.  So I joined a step aerobics class.  Yep, on my lunch I was steppin’ to the oldies with some of my professors!  I started taking frequent trips to the craft store.  I remember painting dozens of little jewelry boxes.  I have no clue why, but it made me feel better.

Of course I tried other ways that didn’t work out like I had hoped.  I drank too much.  I tried to fix others rather than looking at myself. What do you really learn if you don’t fail first?  I learned to embrace my pain.  Embrace my short comings and the darkest part of my life.  When you embrace them, they become blessings.  They become the moments in life when God’s grace feels the closest.

So yes.  My mood stinks right now.  I don’t feel like I want to do much of anything.  BUT I am trying to find a way to kick myself out of it.  I see a grief counselor and I am open with her on how I am feeling.  Brutally honest.  The grief support group that Jaden and I attended in the fall is starting up again on Monday.  I have found 10 or 15 mins here or there to work on knitting some hats for the Craft Hope Project.  I talk with my husband when the kids are in bed.  I ask for extra hugs.  I call my mom … sometimes a few times a day.  I treat myself to a Starbucks coffee.  I keep myself busy … change the scenery every once in a while.  Like yesterday, the babies and I played in the basement rather than the living room … it was a change of pace.  Felt kind of nice.

I bear my soul on this blog.  I’m not 100% sure why.  Perhaps it’s because I know I’m not alone in the way I feel.  Perhaps it’s to let someone else know they aren’t alone.  Whatever the reason, it’s just sort of what I do.  My family has been through hell and back … we need to take care of each other.  Heck, you could say that about all of humanity.  We need to take care of each other.  That includes you taking care of yourself.  Whatever that might be … I hope you find it.

Love, Mel

9 Comments

Filed under Advice, Grief, Posted by Melissa

Tagged as , , , , ,

October 12, 2011 · 9:27 pm

Sticks and Stones

Whoever came up with the phrase “sticks and stones can break my bones, but words will never hurt me” was a big fat liar.  Words can hurt.  Especially when they are said in pure spite and anger.  When they are in black and white – staring you in the face.  Unchanging and forever “just there.”

I’m not going to lie and say that words don’t hurt.  I’m one of those people who wants people to like me.  I don’t want to have enemies.  Faced with some against me, I’ve been encouraged to take the high road, to not acknowledge that which is said in hate.  Don’t let her get to you.  She’s obviously just angry, a hurting soul, and dealing with her own feelings.  I still think that everyone is entitled to their own opinions and thoughts.  But what strikes a chord the most is being called out on what I am most afraid of being – wrong or not right.  Disgusting.  I shouldn’t be happy.  Mourning is sad and dark.  Why am I celebrating life?  Why do I laugh and play?  I don’t question why God has forsaken me.  I don’t believe that He has.  I DO question if I am fulfilling His plan for me.  I DO fear that I’m not making Him proud.

I don’t think that God wants me to be miserable.  What parent wants their children to be sad and distraught?  Owen has been a terrible loss – hurting to the core.  I am forever changed and will always look at the world through different eyes.  It doesn’t change the fact that I am still on earth.  I still have three other living and breathing children who look to me for food, comfort and care.  I have no choice but to get up in the morning and hug and kiss my kids.  There are a days when I want to draw the curtains closed and forget that I am a mom and just be me.  Mel.  As a mother, I don’t come first anymore.  My desires are secondary to diapers, bottles, bus stops and dishes.  I look at the hugs and cuddles as a job perk.  Savoring every smile and giggle reminds me of the small joys in life that are gifts to us.

Yes I lost a child.  Yes Owen has died.  Yes losing a child is a deep pain that NEVER goes away completely.  But that doesn’t mean I’m not allowed to still enjoy life.  It doesn’t mean that I can’t smile.  My living sons look to me as a teacher.  My actions will teach them how to respond to their own grief.  Owen doesn’t need me as a teacher anymore.  He is with the teacher Himself.

I am a mother of a warrior.  We fight on.

Love, Mel

31 Comments

Filed under Posted by Melissa, Advice, Mommyhood Meditations, Owen's Gone

August 28, 2011 · 9:38 pm

Mama Feathers

In a recent conversation with another mom, I was told that “Jaden cries too much.”  Alright, moms of boys … why is it a bad thing that we have sensitive boys?  I think boys in this day in age could cry a little more!

Is my kid sensitive?  Absolutely.  Does he need to work on keeping his emotions in check a little bit?  Of course.  He’s FIVE!  Does it make it harder to play with him at times?  I’m sure it does.  But is that a justification to leave my son out?  Is it ok for all the kids on the street to just up and leave to play at someone else’s house while leaving my kid behind?

My mama feathers are more than a little ruffled.  I go into instant protection mode.  (Jaden was welcomed into the house with a great big hug and two freezey pops.  Exactly what my mom would have done. )

I need to open myself up to the other side or the other perspective.

One thing that my son does REALLY well is share.  He would give anything he had to anyone.  His allergy free food, his toys, gifts, you name it.  At times he doesn’t want to take a turn, but over all, he shares everything with anyone.

He also really likes people.  He will chat anyone’s ear off if they let him.  Jabber Jaw Jaden.  He’ll talk to kids his age, kids who are older than he is or adults.  He goes around and gives his goodbye hugs and kisses without much asking.  He says his please and thank you’s.

So what do we do with our sons who are sensitive?  How do I embrace his personality and his emotions while still raising him in a way that “he’ll fit in.”  How do I tell my son that it’s ok to cry at home but not at school … however if you were a girl, it would be ok for you to cry whenever.  Ok maybe that’s not totally true, but it kind of feels like it at times.

I just don’t understand why crying is a bad thing.  Maybe it’s because I wish I could cry more at times.   Having dated my fair share of winners and losers … I think that the “good” ones were ok with their sensitivity.  But, let’s be honest girls, who doesn’t love a ‘bad boy’?  Can a guy be both?  Rough and tough on the outside and sweet and sensitive on the outside?  Or is this just a movie character we dream about?

How do I raise my boys to be the bad ass motorcycle guy in black leather who buys his girlfriend flowers and cries at his wedding?  How do I set boundaries when at times I don’t know them myself?

I don’t keep my emotions in check, although I’ve gotten much better at it over the years.  I still can’t cry when I want to and am a blubbering mess when I wish I could hold it together.  I’m super sensitive and sentimental, but I have a redheaded temper.  I have so much growing to do myself.  How do I teach my son how to do it?

Parenting seems like an impossible task.  Teaching your children the ways of the world when you don’t get it yourself.   Lord help me …

Love, Mel

25 Comments

Filed under Advice, Mommyhood Meditations, Posted by Melissa

Tagged as , , , , ,

August 1, 2011 · 9:54 pm

I’m Hungry

This week at church, we were asked “what are you hungry for?”  My first response was “I could really go for some scrambled eggs.”  Not so sure that’s the kind of answer they were looking for.  The message was all about our hunger in life.  What do we long for?  Love, acceptance, rest?

It made me think about my direction with Owen’s Memorial.  I just don’t know what to do … or how to start.  Yes, I want to do the pay it forward thing and help others.  I think it would be great to fund other service projects.  But is that what my mission or purpose is?  How can one be sure that you are doing what the big man upstairs wants you to be doing?  It’s not like you can look at him in the face and he’ll give you the reassuring head nod.  I can’t get a sign of approval on a piece of paper.  I’m screaming inside … I just want to know what I’m supposed to do.  I pray about it every day.  I groan every time someone asks me what the plan is.

I just don’t know!  Is the hesitantly coming from me not wanting to make a final decision?  Is it that I’m really worried about “doing the right thing?”  I just feel like once I put something into motion there will be something better.  Then what?  Crap … I screwed up Owen’s entire memorial.  I just want to do him justice.  Everything else has been perfect.  Ok, short of the funeral home we chose … that’s a whole different blog post!  I just don’t want to make the wrong choice.

I remember feeling similar when deciding what to name Jaden.  It was the first gift I gave my new baby boy and one I’d never be able to take back.  It could effect his future.  It could have a 1,283 horrible rhyming words or be something that torments him.  What if he hates his name when he grows up?  What if there was something better I should have chosen?  I wanted the very best for my son and it tore me up inside not knowing for sure that I was doing the right thing.

When Owen was dying I knew what I should be praying for.  I prayed to be open to what was meant to be.  I prayed for my son to be safe and happy.  If he didn’t want to live in a prison body, then I would love him beyond this earth.  But now I have no idea what I’m supposed to be doing.

I know I can blog, but what do I blog about?  How Logan and Weston spit up blueberries all over this morning and then rolled around in it?  Or how Jaden decided that he wanted to spend his morning in his underwear?  Or the walk to the new park that was supposed to be tons of fun, but turned into Jaden crying hysterically the whole way home because he was so hot?  Or how I made 10 lbs of baby food?  While it’s my life now, it hardly seems important enough to write about.  My blogs turn into a meaningless regurgitation of my day.  Makes for a pretty boring blog.

In ways I feel like God just sort of dropped me on the curb and said, ok, now find your way home.  I was there, full in his presence and confident in my purpose.  And now I feel lost and unsure.  Lord, do you hear me?  Am I still on your radar?  Or do you have Owen and have gone on to other dying children?  To comfort other parents who are on the brink of loosing their worlds?

In my logical mind I know he loves me.  It’s not that I don’t believe or am doubting my faith.  But any time he’d like to give me a little direction or nudge in the right direction of his plan, that would be great.

I keep hearing wonderful stories of how Owen’s story has spread or how people have changed because of it.  New faces keep showing up at church.  Maybe in addition to the two little girls who got his liver and heart, he “saved” others?  I have to be honest … I’m not sure what is different about this story compared to other babies who passed.  Why do some react to this story?  What makes someone who at one time swear off silicone bracelets wear a “donate life” one for two months straight?  Maybe if I could tap into that I would have a better idea of my path from here.

Let’s go with it … if you are moved … why?  Why this story and not another blog or baby?  Why Owen?  Why me?  Maybe it has nothing to do with me and it’s all Owen?  Or visa versa?  Why do you wear OWENGE?  What does it mean to you?  How or why has it changed you?  Maybe I’m assuming too much and it hasn’t.  Tell me that too.  What about this makes it an “ordinary” story?

I’m begging for some help here.  Help me figure out what to do.  Where do I go?  I so badly want to keep the movement going.  Please … help … please?

Love, Mel

51 Comments

Filed under Advice, Owen's Gone, Organ Donation

Tagged as , , , , , ,

March 20, 2011 · 9:53 pm

Decisions

Decisions.  Everyone is faced with thousands of decisions every day.  We decide so much about our day, yet there is so much out of our control.

I get to decide how I react to others.  I get to decide what kind of role model I am.  I can’t stop someone from mistreating me or the words they choose to use against me.  But I can control how I respond to them.  I need to have faith that it will be enough.

I decided to be a wife back on September 19, 2009.  Today I choose to be a wife who listens and serves.  I’m going to focus on what I need to do rather than seek recognition.  I am going to BE the woman who deserves recognition rather than ask if I’m doing ok.

Who do I need approval from?  Myself.  I live with me more than anyone else.  (I would argue that lately Jaden spends just as much time with me as I do — considering I rarely get to use the bathroom alone!  haha)  I need to be at peace with my actions.

I choose to be a teacher – to my kids and others.  Even greater, I choose to be a teacher thru actions and role modeling.  Actions are heard even when someone doesn’t want to listen.

I am a role model to my boys.  They will one day look to me when they are weak or need guidance.  What will I tell them?  How will I decide to show them?

All of us mothers have hopes and dreams for our kids.  I hope my sons are happy, healthy, brave and truthful.  I hope they have strength to stand up for what they believe in and the passion to purse their own dreams.

What guidance will I offer my kids?  Here is my answer:  I will strive to be the person I want my kids to be.

I will seek happiness and be brave in the face of hardship.  I will be honest and truthful with my friends and family.  I will stand for what I believe in and I will follow my passion in life.

The Love and Logic book instructs that if kids see their parents making healthy choices, kids will learn how to make healthy choices.  If they see a parent who makes poor decisions, the child will learn to make poor choices.  If the parent has respect for herself, the child will learn how to have self-respect.

It’s so easy to justify my own actions, but what if I caught my son doing the same?  It was ok for me to have a few cigarettes when out with college friends, but what if I found a pack of cigarettes in my son’s backpack?  Someone puts me down and I yell back.  Blame them for letting ME down.  How would I want Jaden to respond if someone put him down?  What would make me a proud mother?

They will learn by watching my actions.  And I get to decide what action I will take.  I choose to be the person I want my kids to be.

Love, Mel

1 Comment

Filed under Advice, Mommyhood Meditations, Posted by Melissa

Tagged as , , , , , , , , , ,

March 18, 2011 · 9:31 pm

A Woman’s Work

I wouldn’t call myself a religious person, but I would say I’m spiritual.  I believe things happen for a reason.  I question if I’m on the right path in life.  I listen to the whispering of my heart when I don’t know what to do.  I seek purpose in my life.  I believe in callings and direction in life.

I attended Ash Wednesday church with my family and I found myself feeling inspired by the message.  Pastor Frank talked about being in the “Wilderness” (or a time of trial).  I thought about my Wilderness … adjusting to being a stay at home mom.  Many of you might be thinking  ”how is that a hard time?  It sounds great not having to work.”  I don’t want to sound ungrateful but let me tell you … it’s been an adjustment.

All of a sudden my day’s work goes almost un-noticed.  I say that lightly knowing how important those diaper changes are!  But when Doug comes home at night and the kitchen is cluttered, the living room is full of dirty burp rags and me sitting there he thinks “what the heck did you do all day?  The house is a wreck!”  And when he makes a comment I can’t help be think “while you sat at your office desk, drinking your free soda, typing on your computer and having adult conversations I was here getting spit up on, pooped on and trying to keep a four-year-old occupied.”  I feel like I am constantly having to prove myself.  Trying to be good enough in his eyes.  I want to hear compliments and that I am a good mom, doing a great job and that my kids are lucky to have me.  I want to feel like I am treasured for doing “woman’s work.”

Sure I could clean more during the day, spend less time on facebook, make more baby faces at the triplets – but I’m trying.

When Pastor Frank asked the congregation “who do you turn to for your self-worth?” it struck a chord with me.  I have been measuring myself on Doug’s feedback.  When you follow the equation:  your performance + opinion of others = self-worth you will never measure up.  I’ll never have the approval of everyone, even those who are supposed to love me most.  Rather, we should follow: God’s grace + your faithful service = a worthy life.  In other words, stop caring so much about what others think of you – just focus on doing God’s work.  Focus on living a worthy life rather than one that is appreciated.

Who cares if I get a thank you for ironing shirts.  Who cares if he doesn’t understand how stressful my day really was.  Who cares if I end up feeding all three kids by myself while rubbing Jaden’s feet to the sound of Doug’s snores.  I’m serving my life’s treasures.  I’m caring for my kids and my life has purpose.  If I listen closely to that whisper I can hear my calling.  I am a mom.

I think I’ve always known that I’ve wanted to be a mom.  The first time, with Jaden, I only had myself to count on.  My family was there, but I knew in my heart that feeding and caring for him was my sole responsibility.  When these triplets were coming, I was thinking that I’d have someone to share the work with.  I’d have someone else who is as equally as invested as I am.

Let me interject with the fact that Doug is a great dad.  He loves the boys and he wants only the best for them.  But what I’ve learned is that a mother’s love is different.  I thought I’d have two people who loved my kids like I do.  He does things differently, has different priorities.  It broke my heart to feel alone in this.  Broke my heart when he didn’t want to help me more.  When I heard more critiques than offerings to help.

I needed to refocus.  What did I want to use my energy on, the kids or getting Doug to notice that I was doing a good job?  There wasn’t time to do both.  I chose the boys.  I chose to hold my head high and do what I thought was best.  If I am looking for help and don’t get it, I don’t get mad.  I say “well looks like I’m going to be on my own … so let’s get on with my bad self!”

My calling.  My dream.  His dream for me.  Just as I have hopes and dreams for my boys, someone has hopes and dreams for me.  Who can deny that having spontaneous triplets is a knock on my door?  He believes in me so why don’t I believe in myself?

When I’m changing diapers while someone (who shall remain nameless) sleeps on the couch – I repeat “I”m doing God’s work.”  When the babies cry at 4am and I only went to bed an hour ago after feeding all three kids and comforting an itchy Jaden, I get up and repeat “I’m doing God’s work.”

That sounds a heck of a lot better than “why is my husband sleeping?”  ”Gee I really wish I had some help!”  or “I was counting on you and you let me down!”  It echoes purpose and value.  God’s work.

My life is hard but I refuse to complain.  It has purpose.  My life has meaning and for that I’m thankful.

Love, Mel

3 Comments

Filed under Advice, Mommyhood Meditations, Posted by Melissa

Tagged as , , , , , ,

February 15, 2011 · 11:07 am

My Valentine’s Day Revelation

I admit, I’m the first to complain.  I’m the first to point out when the garbage hasn’t been taken out on time, or when the clothes sat too long in the dryer and are now wrinkled.  So I’m going to try something different – say thank you more often.  Point out the good.  Sounds so easy, but I’ve already caught myself a few times and it’s only 9am.

My husband and I don’t always see eye to eye … in fact, we usually don’t.  (Our differences are what we love most about each other.)  So for this Valentine’s Day I ‘dropped hints’ that I’d like to do something special.  In fact, I believe I said, “you know mom said she could watch the kids so we can go out for dinner this week – and I love chocolates!”  Translation:  take me to dinner and get me something special please!  Doug – you know I love you … but my not-so-subtle hints are usually missed.  This year, you made me feel special!

Doug came into the house so excited … ran downstairs to finish his Valentine and came up with this:

“In the entire Milky Way, there is no one I love more!”  He got me chocolates!  in the shape of a heart!  with clipart!  My mistake was not telling him how much I appreciated the homemade valentine.

So often I wait to be taken out to dinner, to open a store bought gift or to be given flowers.  But Doug reminds me how special something quiet and homemade can be.  Yes, I still want to have a reason to get dressed up and do adult things … however, that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t appreciate the small stuff too.

Being a stay at home mom has proven to be harder than anticipated.  I hunger for validation and I constantly feel under appreciated.  When I plan something special for Jaden and I to do together and it ends with him telling me he hates the cookies I made for him and he doesn’t want them anymore (because I told him we’d had enough cookie dough for one day) – I’m crushed.  A 3 foot tall 4 year-old crushes me.  I think “come on .. he’s four … don’t let him bother you”.  He doesn’t understand that he’s hurting me so badly.  I should take this situation on as a learning opportunity.  But he’s my legacy … he’s the proof of everything I did for the day.  He’s my job.

It’s compared to when working for Kohl’s I work for months on a manual to find out the table of contents wasn’t updated before going to print, so the pages are all wrong.  All of my effort goes out the window when the ‘powers that be’ are upset with me.  I’ve always been someone that takes pride in their work.  I take pride in my kids.  Talk about working for an unappreciative boss!  haha

So I turn to Doug for validation.  I look to him to build me up, to remind me that I’m important and I did a good job today (even if the kitchen is a disaster).  So much pressure for one person to carry, but true none the less.

So what do we do?  Stuck in a hard impossible place.  I’ll keep talking.  Keep telling a safe friend when I’m feeling terrible, when I’m sad and don’t want to function.  I’ll work at thanking Doug rather than complain when a chore is missed.  I’ll keep loving my kids.  I started to read the “Love and Logic” book to be a better mom.  Doug said he would read it too so we can be on the same parenting page.  I hope Doug will keep looking for reasons to take me out – to have date nights.  I’ll find easy ‘free’ date nights in to counter balance Doug’s preferences.

Look even writing this blog has helped me find more positives and not so many negatives.  So perhaps I should keep blogging too :)

Love, Mel

Leave a Comment

Filed under Advice, Holidays, Posted by Melissa

Tagged as , , , , , , ,

December 15, 2010 · 3:22 pm

A Typical Outting

Many of you have asked what it’s like taking triplets out in public … well let me tell you it’s a trip!  Everyone loves a baby … and can’t help themselves when they see three!

Disclaimer: this post might sound like a rant or negative.  Let me clarify, yes it’s a bit of a rant.   But deep down I know it’s a compliment that everyone is so interested in us and know that people mean well.  It’s just a little ‘celebrity’ shock that I need to adjust to.  The other part is that people say really dumb stuff!  Think before we speak.

Our first outing was to Target after a doctor appointment.  Doug had the shopping cart and I had the triplet stroller.  The hard part was not carting the babies around … it was being stopped every two feet with someone wanting to admire the babies.  One lady actually reached in like she was going to touch one of their faces – I almost karate chopped her hand off!

It felt like every single one of them said “You’ve got your hands full”.  I should start a tally!  Note to readers: please don’t say that to a mother of multiples … she already knows she’s bitten off more than she can probably handle and has already accepted that she’ll be driven nuts and will lose her mind if she has not already lost it. I really just want to reply with something like “you think?”  or ” DUH!” or “Is that supposed to be inspiring or make me feel better?”  Just like when I was pregnant and people would respond with “Oh my, I think I’d kill myself if I found out I was pregnant with triplets”.  Really?  I don’t think you would and thanks for the support!  Dumb … people say dumb stuff!  Forgive them for they know not what they do ….

Another mom of multiples (and photographer that took the triplet newborn photos) shared this YouTube video with me.  A family had their oldest follow them around the zoo with a video camera to capture the crazy stuff people say when out in public.  This is pretty much what it’s like going to Target these days for the Bissing family.

The other part about going out is that you get asked the same question 12 times in a row.  For example:

  • “Are those triplets?”  – Nope they are giraffes!
  • “Where you on fertility treatments?” – No … have you started menopause yet?

Again, I know people mean well, but you try telling everyone you pass by at Target your ‘specs’.  I’m a girl.  My name is Melissa.  I’m 27 years old and weight 150 lbs.  I’m a girl and I have two younger siblings.  I’m thinking about making t-shirts for when we go out in public.  Here’s what they would look like:

And it’s time for another video.  The SE Wisconsin Mothers of Multiples group shared this over the forum a few weeks ago and I just about peed myself!  This is such a great example of the convos I have just about every time someone hears about the triplets.  See when I said during my pregnancy that I was just a freak of nature … I was right!

I think I could rant for a few more pages, but I think you get the idea  :)   Shopping is just going to be easier alone for the next 18 years.

4 Comments

Filed under Advice, Posted by Melissa

Tagged as , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,