Category Archives: Mommyhood Meditations

These are the whispers of my heart … my fears, hopes and dreams.

May 12, 2013 · 8:47 pm

Happy Mother’s Day!

Happy Mother’s Day to all my mama readers! Moms – Grandmas – Step Moms – Birth Moms – Godmothers – the list goes on forever …. And a special mother’s day to all those mom’s of angels.  Some years it hits us harder than others.

For me, it was a good year – of course I missed Owen – but the celebration of the day out weighed the sadness this time.  I recognize that it might not be true every year – or true for all the upcoming anniversaries and holidays that remind me so much of when I had three babies on earth.  The spring reminds me of the HUGE triplet stroller that I used to load up and take all the kids on a walk around the block just to get out of the four walls of my house.  The open sidewalk was the only place I didn’t feel totally over sized.  The spring reminds me of meeting a friend at the park with her two adorable boys – we lost touch until a year after Owen’s death and are now great friends.  It reminds me of when my street was under construction and I used to rotate the triplets in the bumbo in front of the front door to the bay window to the coffee table – they would sit and watch the trucks for hours!

When I think of Mother’s Day I always think of this picture:

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and this one ….

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It’s the only photo(s) I have with all four of my children.

I go back and forth between feeling a huge whole in the middle of our family and not being able to imagine how I would keep up with a third one. Please don’t ever take what I just said as though I wouldn’t want a third one or that I would be able to handle it.  I just can’t mentally picture what it would be like to have another two-year old into the mix of our daily lives.  Weston and Logan keep me on my toes!!

This year, the boys and I went to church in the morning and then to my mom’s for the afternoon.  We walked to the park and played for a while. Then three little girls came to play too …. triplet girls.  What are the odds?  A message or a sign from God?  A coincidence?  I’m not sure what the message was or if it was meant for me – but it did catch my breath to watch Logan and Weston play along side the three girls.  It was pain strikingly clear that one of my children was missing at the park.  There should have been three girls and four boys (including Jaden).

I got my annual picture with the boys again this year.  The boys were already in their pj’s for the car ride home.  What little monkeys!  But they are, after all, the very reason why I’m a mom today.  I told Jaden this morning that I had him to thank for being a mom – he was the one that gave me my supermom powers!

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Happy Mother’s Day to everyone!!

Love, Mel

 

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January 27, 2013 · 12:05 am

The Unspoken Yes

There are two kinds of people … yes people and no people. Some are yes people. They say yes to almost everything. Others are no people. You might feel like they say no to just about everything. I am 110% a yes person. You can talk me into just about any crazy idea if its going to be a good time (and safe of course) or I’m able to help someone. My sister and I joke that my mom never taught us how to say the word no because she too is a yes person. We all find ourselves helping with crazy projects, volunteering to get the job done or running some crazy kind of errand because it will make someone’s day. Because I’m so willing to inconvenience myself, I get really hurt and/or get frustrated when some else tells me no. If I am willing to do it for them, why won’t they say yes to me?

I had a revelation – what if everyone is a yes person, just in their own way. It depends on how you look at things. When you say no you are saying yes to something unspoken. What do you or the people around you say yes to? I usually say yes to doing things. I don’t mind having to get creative if it still means I can do what I want. So I say yes to the crazy trips and yes to crazy ideas because im looking at a bigger picture – it’s better to work hard in order to do things than it is to miss out on an experience.

There are some people that would say no to the experience … But rather, they are saying yes to the unspoken idea of just keeping things simple. By saying no to the question at hand they might be “unspeaking” yes to less clutter, a quieter schedule, simple afternoons, and so on. They are “unsaying” yes to a different experience than the one in question.

I get really discouraged when someone says no for no apparent reason. At least explain your reasoning… But not everyone I come into contact with is willing to explain themselves. The ownership is on me to find a way to a accept their answer. If I don’t, the resentment builds and I find myself upset with them for a response that really wasn’t wrong – it was just not what I would have liked to hear. But, if I look at the “no” as a yes to something else it’s a little easier to swallow. It also teaches me something about the other person. It’s less discouraging.

Changing your perspective can change the way you feel about life. Its healthy to take new perspectives. When you just focus on what they said no to, it has a negative feeling. Focus on what they said yes to. Doing that can reveal something positive in the situation. You just might learn something new about the person.

I’ll be starting my journey of looking for the the “unspoken yes”. Let me know if it works for you. I’d love to hear your thoughts!

Love, Mel

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September 21, 2012 · 2:23 pm

All in a rocking chair

One of the greatest things I have started to notice is that Weston & Logan are starting to actually play with each other – not just side by side or in the same room.  They chase each other around the house.  They share toy cars back and forth.  They like to sit together in my rocker recliner and cuddle under blankets.

It’s extra special to see the boys in this chair because it was a gift from my mom and family at my triplet baby shower.  I received the same kind of chair when I had Jaden.  Jaden’s chair is now in his bedroom – still reserved as “mom and Jaden’s chair”.  While pregnant, this was the chair I envisioned late night feedings in.  The chair I would sit and read bed time stories in.  A chair became as much a part of my motherly vision as my growing belly was.

So now, almost two years after they are born, they are starting to enjoy the chair together.  They too find love and warmth in a rocking chair.

The week before Owen got sick, I remember the one and only time in his life I rocked him fully to sleep and just kept holding him.  It wasn’t that I didn’t rock my babies – it’s that I rarely had time to just hold them after they had fallen asleep.  I usually had to move on to the next baby right away or was falling asleep myself and would have to put them to bed so I could go to bed.

It’s a lot of fun to watch Logan & Weston grow in their brotherly love.  To watch all three boys play with each other – usually chasing each other around the kitchen butt naked.  These moments make my heart sigh.

 

Love, Mel

 

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September 13, 2012 · 8:38 pm

Psalms 34

On a whim, and an invitation from a wonderful mom whose son goes to school with Jaden, I decided to join a book study with some moms in the area.  I declined at first – I’m leading a bible study for my own church mom’s group and just didn’t think I would have the time.  But after some thought – I started thinking it might be a good idea to get to know some other Christian moms in the area.  Afterall these are the mothers of Jaden’s schoolmates.  So I emailed the mom and asked her if it was too late for me to join them.

That’s how I found myself reading “The Power of a Positive Mom” by Karol Ladd.  The reflection of chapter 1 asked you to read Psalm 34 – so I did just that.  I read it with the thought that God was the only one I had to answer to.  God is the only opinion of my mothering skills that matter.  My husband’s comments, my mother’s comments and especially society’s comments on what a “good” mother should be don’t matter. At all.

I each verse and reflected.  What does this tell me about being a mother?   How does this help define my job description?  Here is what I came up with:

1 I will bless the LORD at all times;
his praise will always be in my mouth.
2 It praise the LORD—
let the suffering listen and rejoice.
3 Magnify the LORD with me!
Together let us lift his name up high!

No matter how horrible or crazy the day gets, I should praise God and all that he has given me – and the things that come out of my mouth should reflect my trust in Him.  The word “together” implies that I can’t do this alone – I need to praise Him with my family and my children.  It’s a group effort.

4 I sought the LORD
and he answered me. 
He delivered me from all my fears. 

I find myself afraid a lot as a mom – I was scared the first time I put Jaden on a bus to school.  I was afraid when the babies were in the NICU.  I was nervous when the pediatrician meanted speach therapy for the triplets at their last check up.  When I’m afraid, the Lord will answer me – He is the comfort to my fears.

5 Those who look to God will shine;
their faces are never ashamed.

I immediately thought of the song that we sang after each sermon in the church I grew up in. “Turn your eyes upon Jesus .. look full in His wonderful face.  For the things of earth will grow strangely dim in the light of His glory and grace … Amen”  How many times have I blamed myself?  How many times have I been embarrassed by the way I lost my temper, or how I scolded my children?  Or even been embarrassed when my kids don’t play nice on the playground.  But if I look up for guidance, I have nothing to be ashamed of.  He will use those situations to help me shine – to show God’s love.  The things of earth will grow dim …

6 This suffering person cried out:
the LORD listened and saved him
from every trouble. 

When I am frustrated, God will listen to me – when I am the only adult in the house, clearly outnumbered by little people – He is always there.  He is with me as I sit in the triplet’s room waiting for them to fall asleep.  He is with me as I make dinner for three screaming kids.  He is there when I am freaking out and losing my grip on reality.  He will listen and He will see me through the trouble.  God is my “forever” friend.

7 On every side, the LORD’s messenger protects those who honor God;
and he delivers them. 

I am protected.  Even when I make a choice less traveled – if I am following Christ – He will protect me.

8 Taste and see
how good the LORD is!
The one who takes refuge in him
is truly happy!

Let’s be honest – being a mom isn’t all glamorous.  It’s waking up with poop being smeared on your face by your 22 month old child, who climbed out of his crib early one morning(true story).  It’s homework and bag lunches, poopy diapers and snotty noses.  But when we rest in the Lord – we are truly happy.  When we go to Christ for our “mommy time” we will be rested and content.

9 You who are the LORD’s holy ones,
honor him,
because those who honor him
don’t lack a thing. 

We are good enough.  Period.  So many times I think how un-equipped I am as a mother.  I wish I did [insert anything here] like the mom’s a church do.  I wish I had the patience like that woman in aisle 12 of Wal-Mart does.  But when we are aiming to please God – we are good enough.  We are everything our children need – we don’t lack ANYTHING!  Seriously?  I could honestly be enough?  But I have so many flaws …

10 Even strong young lions
go without and get hungry,
but those who seek the LORD
lack no good thing.

Even the strongest of moms get worn down and tired.  Yet those who pursue the Lord will be blessed.  They will never go hungry.

11 Come, children, listen to me. 
Let me teach you
how to honor the LORD:

I first thought how we are still children ourselves.  We, as mothers, are still learning.  We don’t know everything – but if we are willing, we can be taught all that we need to know.  Then I thought of how children need to hear the word – teach your little ones the stories of the bible.  Teach them how to obey and please God.  Speak the Lord’s name in your home.

12 Do you love life;
do you relish the chance
to enjoy good things?
13 Then you must keep your tongue
from evil
and keep your lips
from speaking lies!

The stories of God that you are teaching your children also apply to you.  Don’t let the phrase “do as I say not as I do” apply to you.  Practice what you preach.

14 Turn away from evil! Do good!
Seek peace and go after it!
15 The LORD’s eyes
watch the righteous,
his ears listen to their cries for help.

God is listening to you – He’s ear is listening for when you call for help. All you need to do is mutter the word, and you’ll have someone by your side.  This relationship is different from the relationship you have with your husband because it doesn’t matter what time of day – doesn’t matter when you need Him – He’ll be there.  So it’s ok if your husband has to travel for work or your mom can’t help you on an afternoon – because you are NOT alone.  You are NEVER really a single mom – God is helping you raise your children – always.

16 But the LORD’s face is set against
those who do evil,
to eliminate even the memory of them from the earth. 

This made me think of the very reason why I wanted to be a mom.  I wanted to make a difference in this world.  I wanted my life to matter for something.  My memory will always live on – through my children. I am helping to mold the future.  When you think of motherhood as molding the future of the world, how can anyone say that I’m “just” a mom?  I could say the same as teachers.  It also warns me … what I say and how I mold my children will be around for a long time … I have an important job and not one to take lightly.  If I raise my child to be easy to anger – that means that anger will be in the future … it will be the memory of the earth.  Not only do I matter (which is a compliment) but it means that I will be remembered (which is a huge responsibility).

17 When the righteous cry out,
the LORD listens;
he delivers them from all their troubles. 

18 The LORD is close
to the brokenhearted;
he saves those whose spirits
are crushed.

When you feel defeated – those days when your kids JUST WON’T NAP – God is closest.  Rely on him to find patience … when you are tired, rest in Him.

19 The righteous have many problems,
but the LORD delivers them
from every one. 

Even those would seek God have obstacles to overcome.  We all have flaws we need to work on or a situation in their life that seems impossible. But we are saved from each and every one of our troubles.  The Lord is even with us when we are struggling with teach our children the discipline of cleaning up their toys.

20 He protects all their bones;
not even one will be broken. 
21 But just one problem
will kill the wicked,
and those who hate the righteous
will be held responsible. 

Those moms who don’t seek the Lord – who do not renounce the devil will struggle.  All tasks – no matter how difficult or mundane can be overcome.

22 The LORD saves his servants’ lives;
all those who take refuge in him
won’t be held responsible for anything.

It’s ok (and encouraged) to ask for help from God.  He is there to help – it’s sort of His job.  And He likes what He does :)

I feel refreshed and actually comforted in my relationship with God as a mom.  I feel like I’ve got someone on my side in the game mom vs. kids.  I also feel a different sort of responsibility of being on top of my game.  I fee confident that I have someone I can ask for help from without any shame.  I have a responsibility, not only to my kids, to be a “good” mom but also to God.  He is my ultimate boss – this isn’t a job that I should take lightly.

I hope this wasn’t preachy — it’s truly just my own thoughts and reflections on this Psalm.  What are your thoughts and reactions?  Am I off my boat or do you agree with what I’m getting out of this reading?  I’d love to hear from you!

Love, Mel

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June 4, 2012 · 8:15 pm

Crossroads

Ever think about the decisions you’ve made and how they got you to where you are?  I’ve been thinking about a lot of things … the boyfriends I broke up with and maybe shouldn’t have.  The nights I went out drinking in college and should have stayed home.  The wrong boys I dated who eventually drove me off a cliff … literally.  Ultimately when I chose to go one way, I chose NOT to go another.  What would my life be like if I had gone the other way?  If I would have gone left instead of right or zigged instead of zagged?

Clearly, there are many parts of my life that I would never change … ever.  If I did I wouldn’t have Jaden.  I wouldn’t have the triplets.  I wouldn’t know certain things about myself.  Maybe I’d be worse off … but I can’t help but wonder if I’d be better off.

If I had studied abroad my Junior year in college as planned, would I have been more traveled?  Yes.  Would I have ended up marrying someone else?  Maybe.  Would I know more about myself?  Probably.  But would I be better off … I just don’t know.  I just can’t help but wonder “what if” some days.

I’ve got to trust that I’ve been led on this path by a greater force.  But what if I was led on this path more so because I have freewill.  Therefore, I am not, in fact, living the lift that was intended for me?  What if I’ve just made a total screw up for what God really had planned for me?

Does He makes stuff up as He goes?  Does His plans for me change when I go right when I should have gone left?  Does He already know the mistakes that I’ll make tomorrow?  Are they too apart of His bigger plan?  It’s just so complex … sort of like which came first, the chicken or the egg?

I just can’t help but wonder how my life would be different had I made different choices along the road.

Love, Mel

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May 18, 2012 · 7:12 am

Touch

I find that when I people watch – I mostly watch how people interact with each other and try to guess how they are related.  Are they married?  Dating?  Mother and child?  Or may they are friends who want more?  I have found that I can tell the most about them by the way they touch each other.  I watch for their interactions.  When he leans over to whisper in her ear, does his nose almost graze her ear?  Does he take his hand and move her hair out of the way first?

I watched a mom sitting in front of me rub the shoulders of her boy who sat next to her.  They stood to sing and she gave him a light tickle on his back.  The touch of love.  The silent reminder that I’m thinking about you and I want you to know that I love you.

I watched couples walking up for communion.  The man gently guiding his lady on the small of her back.  The couple who holds hands as they walk out of church.  The mom who rubs the leg of her little one sleeping on her lap.

My mom grabbed my hand and gave it a squeeze.  She reached over and held my brother and sisters hand at the same time creating a connected line of love.  Support – a silent way of saying “I’m here for you” and “thank you for loving me.”

They all seem so natural.  When I get excited I want to hug a friend.  When Doug does something nice for me I want to plant a big wet kiss right on his lips.  When Jaden cries I just want to cuddle him.  What makes this happen without really thinking about it?  The need, the desire the outward need to be touched.  Does it come from the love?  Does it come from social norms?  The way you touch someone – or even the fact that you touch them at all – says so much about the way you feel.

Hug someone you love today.  Let them know, without a doubt, that you love them.  That you care.  Hold their hand.    Love those around you.  Be kind to one another.

Love, Mel

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May 10, 2012 · 11:21 am

Knit Together

I’ve been crazy busy and stressed this week.  It’s Teacher Appreciation week and I’m the parent volunteer running this week’s events at Willow.  I have another mom organizing with me — I can’t imagine what it would be like without her!

Last night I was putting the finishing touches on today’s mailbox stuffers and all I could think about was how I wanted to crochet.  I haven’t had time to work on the two “in progress” blankets all week and I was really missing it.  I kept looking at the clock to see if maybe there would be enough time to crochet at least one row.  Considering how tired I was and that it was already 10:30pm I decided to read a few chapters out of “Shades of Grey” (I know — guilty pleasure!) and go to sleep instead.

While brushing my teeth I starting mulling over why I missed crocheting so much and I started to realize that each stitch I crochet, I was also holding myself together.  The time where my hands do all the work and it allows my mind to wander a little bit.  The moments in between rows when I inhale and exhale.  I was literally holding myself together by crocheting.  Without this time of peace each day, I start to lose myself.  I need to crochet for my sanity … not just for the joy of making hats for all my friend’s cute little girls but also for myself.

Jaden asked me to make him a blanket a week or two ago.  When I asked him what color he wanted he said orange because he misses Owen and this way it would be like he was sleeping with him each night.  Then he added that he thought it should have green and blue in it for all of his brothers.  Is it just me or is this a deep thought for a 5 and a half-year old?

As soon as this week’s festivities are over, I’ll be back at it with my crochet hook and yarn.   What helps hold you together?  What part of your daily routine brings you sanity and keeps you from losing your mind?

Love, Mel

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April 29, 2012 · 10:19 pm

Thoughts to Ponder

So many parts of church this morning rang true to me.  It was like all these truths that I know I need to believe or act upon, yet I find myself just ‘not wanting’ to.  Why can’t things just “be” for a while?  Why does it always feel like I have to fix or improve upon something.  I move from one broken part of life to the next.  Car accidents, death of a child, marriage issues, friend squabbles — is there a break in site?

Your entire story can be changed with the right inspiration.  I know how quickly life changes, from experience.   From happily putting my kids to bed, with the anticipation of some card games and maybe a cold beer – to an ambulance ride and a funeral eleven days later.  With a split second decision to sit at a computer in the parent’s lounge on the fifth floor of Children’s Hospital – pouring my soul over the keyboard, begging for prayers.  I was just going to get a soda with my brother, but the empty chair and blank computer screen showed itself as the right kind of inspiration.  Now here I am sitting in my kitchen, pouring more of myself onto the screen.  My entire story has changed from “freak show mom of spontaneous triplets” to “grieving mother whose faith is worn on her sleeve in hopes of giving others hope.”  I’m still trying to find my way through life – trying to figure out where to go from here.  But my story is very different from it was a year ago.

Pain shapes people in a new way.  It has changed every fiber of my being.  The way I look at life or other women in the grocery store.  Just because she doesn’t have screaming kids in their cart, doesn’t mean that she isn’t a mother.  Just because there are two faces doesn’t mean that they are twins.  Pain becomes the shadow that follows you everywhere.  It isn’t screaming and kicking and yelling — my pain has quieted down at least.  But it’s still there.  I still find myself awkwardly telling new acquaintances that I have four children – then panicking at the thought of having to clarify.  I’m new.  Like the tender pink skin under a sunburn that has peeled away.  Like the fresh raw skin under a blister, never having seen the sun before.  Even the slightest touch can be felt.  The pain is intense.  But with time, the skin thickens.  It toughens and becomes worn.  My pain has made me new again.

It takes far less courage to cling to the past than to look to the future.  I remember Doug’s terrified eyes while in the hospital – “he’s got to be ok.”  We both clung to the images of all three boys starting their first day of school.  Three cap and gowns at graduation.  Three weddings.  While these events hadn’t occurred yet, they were the dreams of the past.  They were our hopes.  It was terrifying to think that we would only have two.

Just when you think the story is at an end – Jesus rises out of the tomb.  Owen’s death, his funeral – I thought it was an ending.  Never did I think I would still be blogging.  Never did I think I would be entertaining the thought of a book.  Death is so often thought of as an ending.  Yet there are so many new beginnings.  A new life without your loved one – a new normal.  New experiences.  Another beginning.  The story isn’t over – it’s just beginning.

All of these amazing thoughts to digest – to be inspired by.  To find hope in.  Yet all I can think about is how much work it sounds like.  Isn’t there a time in life when you just get to “be?”  To exist?  Why does it feel like I’m always trying to fix, mend or heal something in my life?  Deaths, relationships, housework.  Why can’t I just sit and enjoy the nice house we have?  I feel like I must always be cleaning something.  There is always work to be done.  Why can’t a relationship ever just work?  I feel like I am always having to try to find new ways of approaching topics or explaining myself 12,000 times.  When do I get to enjoy all that I have worked so hard for?  I’m tired.  I’m ready for a break.

Please don’t take pity.  Please don’t tell me to hang in there – I’m not giving up.  I’m not throwing myself a pity party. But rather, these are the true thoughts and battles.  The huge exhale as you swing your feet out of bed “here we go again.”  One foot in front of the other.  One cup of coffee at a time.  Sometimes it just gets tough to keep moving forward.  But it’s the right thing to do and I’ve never been afraid of some sweat or discomfort – as long as it’s for the right reason.

Love, Mel

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March 27, 2012 · 8:05 pm

Road Rage!!!

On the way home from picking Jaden up from a birthday party this evening … I had a confrontation with road rage.

I decided to take the back roads home.  Maple Ave is one of those streets where the speed limit is 25 however if feels like you should be going 35 or 45 down this road.  It’s a speed trap.  So I always make sure I don’t go over 33 in this area.  Well I came up behind this guy that is going 23 …  seriously!?!  It’s already feels like a snail’s pace going 25 … can we please go the limit?

I don’t think I was all that close behind the guy … but all of a sudden the guy dropped to 10 mph.  TEN!  as in one zero .. ten miles an hour!  The little old lady that lives on our block that only goes to the Piggly Wiggly and back goes faster than 10 mph.

I’ll be honest … at this point I started to ride the back of this guy a little.  It was getting a little out of control.  I thought about passing him but it was a no pass zone and there are usually cops on the road so I didn’t want to get a ticket.  We drove on like this for a bit until he hit his break and (get this) STOPS in the road.  I laid on my horn.  I couldn’t handle it!

At this point, Jaden asked what was wrong and I said the man in front of me was picking a fight.  Now mind you, I never once yelled, flipped my finger, or said anything mean about the guy.  I was pretty proud at just how calm I had stayed.  Jaden was in the car, I had to have some class…

But this got me thinking … there are people in this world who just get a kick out of making things difficult for other people.  They, for no other reason than to bug the crap out of others, are difficult.  They pick fights.  They stand in the way of something you want to accomplish.  Tonight it was to get home from Flabbergast (less than a mile away from my house) in under 30 mins!  Other times it might be a boss who always tells you that you can’t or a friend who refuses to find a compromise.

Regardless, how do you react to the slow cars on the road?  Do you give into your road rage?  Yell, scream, throw a fit.  Do you try to rise above the rest?  Do you just cruise by them and let them eat your dust?

For me, I think it matters who is watching (just being honest …) or who is being my slow car.  If it’s my husband I tend to lose all class and have a fight.  If it’s with my mother, I am more willing to bite my tongue, ease off the gas and give her some space.  She is mom after all …

Who are your ‘slow cars’?  When you finally turn down another road are you proud of your actions and how to handled the frustration?  What would you have done differently?  If your children were watching, would you have been more willing to keep your cool?  Just something to think about …

Love, Mel

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March 14, 2012 · 7:41 pm

A lesson on the cost of gas

This morning was going SOO well … until it was time to get on the bus.  Jaden was poking around, getting his shoes on but not before making a game out of getting his socks on.  I totally recognize that I woke up 20 mins late this morning … but we would have been fine had Jaden just not poked and played games with everything!

That being said … it got to be 2 minutes past the regular “leave for the bus stop time” and Jaden was still getting his shoes on.  I saw the bus drive past the window and I yelled “Jaden we’ve got to run!  Hurry!”  With one foot out the front door, I helped Jaden get his backpack on and handed him his lunch box.  I realized he didn’t have a coat, but thought “oh well – we have got to make this bus!  Good thing it’s supposed to be 75 today!”

He gets about half way down the driveway and stops – “I don’t want to run!”  I’m starting to get panicked and sort of ticked that he’s not cooperating.  The other kids at the bus stop are almost all loaded onto the bus by now.  I holler, “too bad – maybe you’ll get dressed quicker tomorrow!”  He takes two more steps and turns around again – “I don’t want to go by myself”  UGH!  Now I’ve totally lost it and am so embarrassed that we are holding up the ENTIRE bus of kids for this little melt down.  So I grab his arm by the wrist (not hard) and am now dragging him behind me as I’m running down the driveway and half way down the block … with NO shoes on.  Thank goodness I had gotten dressed and wasn’t doing this in my sweats and no bra.

The bus driver starts to back up … the bus is making that beeping noise big trucks make when they are in reverse.  The doors open … Jaden won’t walk past the back wheel of the bus.  ”Get on the bus” I grit through my teeth.  He shakes his head.  I’m not sure what happened inside of me, but I found my inner calmness and decided that this would be a great Love and Logic moment (I’ve been taking a parenting class on this parenting idea for the past six weeks).  I look at the bus driver “I’m really sorry I wasted your time.  But it looks like we won’t be riding the bus today.  I’ll take it from here.”  He looked at me like “Really?”  Then I take Jaden’s hand and we walk back to the house.

He is crying and wailing.  I walk in the house in front of him.  He hits the grass causing a scene because I shut the door.  (He can open the door on his own … I’ve seen him do it a million times when he lets in the neighbor boy to play.)  I go about my business … trying to decide what my next move is going to be.  (insert update facebook status here)

Pretty soon the front doorbell rings.  It’s Jaden.  He’s done with his fit and ready to come inside.  I asked him how he was going to get to school since he missed the bus.  ”I dunno.”  I said, “well you think about that and let me know what you come up with.”  After a short pause, he says that I could take him.  I said “You’re right I could … but gas is really expensive these days.  It costs almost $4 a gallon.  Do you have that much money for gas?”  He says he does – he’s got “hundreds of dollars and coins.”

So we go to his room, pull out his piggy bank and he pulls out four dollar bills.  (I was actually quite surprised at how much cash that kid has stored away in his superhero pig.)  We go and get our backpack on and get in the car.  I pull into the gas station close to the house and open the back van door and hold out my hand.  ”Ok, that’s $4 for gas please.”  He proudly hands it over.  At this point, I’m thinking to myself that this is too easy, perhaps I should have done something else.  But what do I have to lose now?  So I keep going with it.

At school he proudly gets out of the car and walks into school – no sign of a bad morning anywhere on that kid’s face.  Just as I’m about to leave, he asks me if I can pick him up from school.  I smile, “and how much does that cost”  He says “$4″  ”Do you have that kind of money?”  He starts to dig in his pockets.  Of course they are empty because he already paid me the money he had for his ride to school.  We didn’t quite get to finish the conversation before a teacher scooped up his hand and said it was time to go to class.

I went back to the car thinking … I don’t think this kid is going to be uncomfortable until he runs out of money.  Maybe I should take some of it and make a deposit into his account while he’s at school so he runs out quicker.  My Love and Logic instructor, Pam’s, voice echoes in my head – “Have fun with it!  Kids don’t have to be in pain to learn a lesson.”  And that’s what it’s really about, right?  Teaching your kids something?

So I’m interested to see what he’s going to do tomorrow.  Maybe I’ll be $4 richer, or maybe he won’t be complaining when the bus comes.  We shall see …

Love, Mel

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Filed under Jaden, Milestones, Mommyhood Meditations, Posted by Melissa

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