I’m reading a book, Crazy Love by Francis Chan, with my Supermoms group at church. I know I mentioned this book before, but it really is life changing. It has challenged my thinking of who God is and has even reconfirmed that I’m really in love with Jesus.
This last meeting we talked a little about the baggage we carry and how that effects us and our relationship with God. Right away I thought about my fear of messing my kids up. We all have some sort of issue or criticism of how we were raised. Some issues are certainly more substantial than others. Those who grew up in abusive or alcoholic households have more issues than someone who grew up in the “typical suburban house with a white picketed fend and 2.5 children.” But we all can point out something we want to do differently than our parents.
What if my kids grow up thinking that they want to be totally different than me? What if they think I was a horrible parent? Too relaxed, with not enough rules, who was more interested in serving others (or myself) than them. What if they grow up wanting to be nothing like me?
Before you are quick to reassure me, it’s a real fear of mine. How are my choices molding my children for tomorrow? Am I providing them enough structure? Am I being the best role model in how to take care of themselves? Are Doug and I acting out what a true loving marriage should be? When they over hear a disagreement between us are we showing them how to work out their problems while still showing love towards each other? What type of girlfriend will they choose? What if I’m that nagging wife and, in turn, my boys pick out the “wrong” kind of girl to date?
I want to show them that women can be strong and independent but they can be equally as loving and caring. I want them to be with a woman who will take care of them and love them for the Christian men I pray they will grow up to be.
So, how do all of these fears turn into baggage? When they start to weigh down my decisions. When I become so frightened that I can’t move. I know something is wrong or could be better, but I’m too afraid of making the wrong choice to move. I know that I could be a better role model in how to love others, but how to improve this becomes this round and round circle. I spend all of my time thinking about how to do better rather than just doing better.
My stress is unneeded in this … I just need to pray about it. I know … Cliche. But still, it’s the truth. I need to turn over my control and do what my heart tells me is right. Correction, what the Holy Spirit tells me is right. Because what is worse than getting it wrong, is doing nothing at all. By doing nothing, I will have learned nothing. If I at least get my feet moving, I’ll learn on my way. I’ll at least learn what doesn’t work and then I’ll know I need to do something different. By taking the first step, I open myself to the possibility of getting it right.
Don’t let your baggage hold you down. Don’t let it stand in your way of making it right. All baggage is heavy. All baggage changes how we react to this world. But it can also be a motivator. It can be the cause of you DOING something about it.
The number one most important thing in this world is your relationships with each other. The rest doesn’t matter so let it go. Love one another. Love your God. And love yourself.
Love, Mel
I have been getting more and more worried about today since I schedule the doctor’s appointment two weeks ago. My dentist found a raised freckle on the inside of my upper lip. He referred me to an oral surgeon to take a look at it. I have had freckles in my mouth before and had them biopsied. This wasn’t the first time I was having something like this done … but dang was I nervous.
