I only asked for two things

The time is set. Owen goes into surgery at 6:15pm. About two hours.

We opted last night to do an autopsy. Since there isn’t a positive idea of why Owen stopped breathing, we felt it was the responsible thing to do. With the boys we wanted to make sure that there isn’t a defect.

Late last night we got a call. It was the medical examiner. They said that they were claiming responsibility of the autopsy rather than letting Children’s take care of it. That meant after the surgery the state who take Owens body, take it somewhere, do the autopsy, then release him to the funeral home. Doug was livid. He felt there was no reason our little guy couldn’t stay with the people at Children’s, ones we trust.

I told Doug to let me take on this weight. It was best for the boys and we should let him go. We really won’t even know the difference.

Doug and I went home today to get the baptismal blanket. It wasn’t scarey like it thought it might be. It feels like home. Owen is still there. We did dumb stuff like throw away the spoiled food, empty the garbage. I hung some clean clothes and started the dishwasher.

We got back to my parents house. I called to check in on Owen. The donor network coordinator told me that since the medical examiner wanted to take over the autopsy … they wouldn’t be able to take out his tubes.

I have asked for two things … to hold Owen’s hand when they pronounced him brain dead and to hold my child, free of tubes. Owen was pronounced at 9:14 last night but I wasn’t told until 9:32 and I was sitting in a chair in the corner. And now I won’t see him without his tubes?

I’m angry. I’ve given so much and tried to be unselfish. Letting the doctors do their job, following protocol, fighting to ensure kids would receive a donation. Is it really too much to ask Lord? Just to hold my baby again, like before?

I don’t think I am strong enough … I don’t have anymore to give! Why Lord is this happening? What do you see that don’t?

——

Ok … I was writing in the car on the way to the hospital and we just arrived. Lord was laughing at me when I was mad. He said just you wait Melissa.

We walked in and his GI tubes fell out! Take that medical examiner! He’ll still have the breathing tube and IVs but I can see his face!

We also received an update that his liver, kidneys AND heart all have matches. Get this … both of his kidneys are going to an adult. That makes three recipients. The number three. This time a good three … Not four organs minus one would equal three. We prayed for a miracle and we are getting three.

My Owen lives on. Amen!

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35 Comments

Filed under Hospital Stay, Mommyhood Meditations, Posted by Melissa

35 responses to “I only asked for two things

  1. Susan

    This post made me cry all over again. Thanks be to God for 3 miracles. I hope He will continue to comfort you and your family.

    • Jack's Mommy

      My prayers go with you and I know your pain. My child died two weeks before his 3rd birthday, He was born with severe congenital heart defects and your son’s beautiful and perfect heart is going to prevent another family from feeling our pain. We tried to donate Jack’s organs but he was too sick and they couldn’t take any so I applaud you for giving the gift of life. Much love and many prayers will surround you.

  2. 3 matches is AMAZING! You guys are doing such a wonderful thing and little Owen WILL live on through all of these recipients.
    That said, you have been incredibly unselfish through all of this and I am sorry that you didn’t get the two small things that you asked for. That is absolutely unfair and my heart breaks for you =(.
    Continuing to lift you and your family up in prayers. There are many many people who care about you and would be happy to chat with you anytime. Don’t ever feel like you don’t have anyone you can talk to when Doug goes back to work!!

  3. Michelle

    I’m so glad Owen will be able to give the gift of life to three people! He will surely live on in them. We’re praying for strength for your family.

  4. Tami

    {Hugs} Dear One. Your family is in our thoughts and prayers.

  5. Monique Manna

    You have to be one of the strongest woman I have never met, but would be honored to meet! God Bless you and your family…You have inspred me…

    Owen is with our Lord watching down on his family…

  6. Amanda

    The power of the Lord! It’s simply amazing! He knew your needs (seeing your baby’s face) and He met them, in spite of the medical examiner! I’m so happy you’ve gotten that, yet so sad in all that you’ve lost. You are amazing and so is your son with the miracles little Owen is able to give now. Continueally praying for your family!

  7. Nya and Abby's Mom

    YOU DID IT-3 people benefit from Owen’s huge life. His little spirit is truly a SUPER HERO!!!!!! You have continued his legacy and should be very proud. See you soon. Love ya Jan

  8. Linda

    Lifitng you and your family up in prayer. You are an amazing woman and mom and I pray for continued strength and guidance in the days ahead. Owen will live on and watch over all of you. {HUGS}

  9. Christie

    Mel~
    Sitting here now holding you up to the Lord. I’m glad that you can look for and find something to giggle about in this. You have to look for the hilarity or you can let yourself go mad.
    Praying for your family. Praying for the families receiving their miracles tonight. Praying praying praying.

    Really praying this didn’t really happen…. But knowing that God has it all under control.

  10. Wow, what a blessing, THREE people’s lives will be forever changed.. OWEN will live on…my heart goes out to you and your family… many prayers to all of you

  11. Leah

    I have been following your blog and crying and praying. I don’t even know you, but now I feel that I do. You are quite possibly the strongest person I have ever encountered, in person or in “print” so to speak. Your ability to write such poetic words during a time of such gut wrenching pain and confusion just amazes me. I will remember and pass on your story forever. I am overjoyed that Owen will live on. You made a brave choice and others will benefit, and that is so beautiful. Owen will live on in Heaven with angels who will love, snuggle, protect, feed and adore him. He will never be scared. And now he will also live on on Earth as well. I will pray for your healing and peace in the days, months, and years to come. God bless your beautiful family. If anyone can soldier through the next steps you are the one to do it.

  12. Petra

    Three miracles! How fitting for Owen. I pray that you get to hold your sweet Owen one last time, thankfully without the GI tube, and that God holds you in a tight embrace as you look in your little angel’s face. Continued prayers coming your way!

  13. Your faith is very strong. May you continue to lean on it for the days ahead.
    I believe God has a purpose for all that he does and one day we will understand the whys. I believe that Owen is in HIS Glory.
    I know the people who will receive the donations are very thankful for the gifts.
    Thank you for sharing your story. May God continue to watch over you and your family.

  14. monica h

    Doug and Melissa,
    God bless for this small victory. Owen will always live on in your heart and in the external world in others making another life better.
    An amazing gift in this terrible and tragic event.
    I hope you all hold up well.
    Much love.

  15. Virginia Sears

    I am so very sorry you have had to go through this. My first grand child died from sids. I lost my 16 year old daughter to sepsis after a botched back surgery. I had to tell the doctors it was ok to pull the life support. Due to the massive infection we were not able to donate any organs. I am so happy God has gifted you with the desires of your heart and Owen will live on. His little life has purpose.
    I know he will be missed as I miss my daughter but at least he is in his heavenly home loved more that anyone could love him here on earth.
    (((HUGS))) and prayers

  16. Christina Decker

    You are such a strong lady, so unselfish. My heart bleeds for you. I cannot begin to imagine your pain. May you feel the peace that only comes from God for the rest of your earthly days! Truly you are a warrior, also!

  17. Leah S. (Douglas)

    God bless you all. Praying for your strength & comfort in this unbelievable time.

  18. Rachel

    Your faith amazes me. The fact that you hand everything over to God and rely on him to take you through this is amazing to me. That is a quality that too few have, but many need. You have amazing work to do in this life, that I am sure of. God bless all of you. I hope you feel all the prayers going your way.

  19. Lifting you up in prayer during this very difficult time.

  20. vt

    Sending blessings and prayers to all of you, all who may share the gift that is being given, and all that know how deeply their lives have been touched by your words and God’s mercy.

    (What an honor it is to read your words, and to know that they are already saving lives!)

    And to your beautiful, beautiful, brave and courageous Owen: Godspeed.

  21. Lisa

    My mother is alive today thanks to a kidney transplant. G-d bless you for what you are doing. Continued prayers for you and your family and to those who will feel the life of your little boy inside of them.

  22. LD

    “My son, My precious child, I love you and I would
    never leave you. During your times of trial and
    suffering, when you see only one set of footprints,
    it was then that I Carried You.”

  23. jody

    I have become so emotionally involved with your story. I read your words and weep, feeling like I am right there with you. There is so much I wish I could say to you to help you during this time. You have amazing strength. I am thinking about you and your family, hoping you will find peace with what has happened. You are blessing three families with a gift of life. I am so sorry the miracles are happening because of Owen and not to him. Love to you all…

  24. Laura W.

    Perhaps now it is Owen who has left the light on for when you come Home …

    Praying that you feel held in God’s grip, sheltered during your storm, and understood by the One who knit you in the womb just as He knit your son(s), praying deep peace that comes from Him.

  25. Holly Centurino

    I am a friend of Jessica Carpenter’s – she shared your story with me when you were expecting the triplets and then told me the devastating news about your beautiful boy Owen. Our daughter, Blair, was a very sick baby with a congenital birth defect and very low odds of survival. The emotional toll of having a sick child who is teetering on the verge of life and death was truly unimaginable. We were fortunate enough for her to survive. Her course opened our eyes to a whole other facet and side to life – infant loss. I have always maintained there was a reason God made Blair our baby, just as God made Owen yours.

    Your words and strength have been truly remarkable. I feel for you – I cannot help but want to hug you and try to do anything to help your Owen. Donating his organs allows him to live on, his light will always be shining – now times three. I will continue to think of and pray for your family as you try to heal from this situation. If you ever need an ear, email me – I know your road to some extent – it’s not the same but moms who are in those trenches have some sort of bond that is difficult to understand. It’s too difficult to wonder why this happened and what was the reason – there is no good reason, there is no good answer. Thinking of you – hang in there. You are an amazing mom – Owen was blessed to be yours.

  26. Melissa

    Have been reading your blog for the last few days and wanted to tell you how sorry I am for your loss. God Bless you for choosing to have Owen’s organ’s donated. My mom has been on the transplant list for a kidney and we just received word this afternoon that one has become available. She is having the surgery tonight at St. Luke’s. So for all the recipient families out there, I want to say a huge THANK YOU… Owen will live on through them!

    • Owen’s kidneys were supposed to go to an adult in the area, but unfortunately there was a vascular problem with them. I hope this was not for your mother. I pray that your mother had her surgery and everything went well! God Bless!

  27. Cindy

    Owen was such a blessing to your family, and will be for many other families. Praying for your family.

  28. Megan

    Godspeed little man….you’re fulfilling your name now by saving those lives & also by the hundreds of lives you’ve touched so profoundly during you life. I have no doubt the recipients of your gift(s) are receiving much more than an organ…it’s truly a miracle. These people will do great things because they carry a “little warrior” inside them.

  29. Eliza

    You, your husband, and your boys (including Owen) are in my prayers and will be over the next few weeks and months. Thank you for sharing your story. God Bless You!

  30. Tina Tessar

    That is so good to hear that baby Owen will be living in 3 people an will never be forgotten that’s just a true miracle he will be living on in this world. You are such an amazing person an you have touched so many of are lives. God Bless You

  31. Cathy

    Much love going your way. God be with you till you meet again.

  32. Stacy

    In prayer for you and your family.

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