Life Goes On

We are home.  Yep … home sweet home.  Hardly.  There are moments when I’m happy to be here and others that I would rather be anywhere else but here!  Yesterday (Sat) morning we all woke up and got moving.  Doug and I took the kids outside while we pulled weeds.  I could really have cared less about pulling weeds, but it was something to keep my mind (and hands) busy.  Weston and Logan slept/played in a playpen in the shade and Jaden ran around like his usual crazy self.

After about two hours I was restless.  I needed to leave the house for a while.  We decided to head over to my parent’s house for a BBQ with my sister and some friends.

It was hard to have a real good time.  I found myself being a real downer on the conversation when I brought up Owen.  I didn’t mean to, I was just speaking what was on my mind.  Either I’m being morbid or others aren’t quite sure how to respond.  I know my friends love me.  Who really knows what the ‘right’ thing to say is when a child dies?  In fact, there is nothing ‘right’ about a child dying.  It goes against the entire circle of life.

We shared a lot of laughs too.  I find it still easy to share in other’s joy and happiness.  That hasn’t changed for me.

The boys are doing well.  Jaden asks a lot of questions.  Like “when is Owen coming back?”  Or “I miss my baby brother, why did he have to die?”  I try to answer them the best that I can.  I just hope I’m doing the right thing with him.

The other two seem to be hanging in there too.  This morning Logan and Weston had fun rolling around on the floor and on each other.

 

At mom’s, Jaden wanted to go in the hot tub.  Little did we know he would meet his future wife … Violet.  This photo was NOT staged … they were kissing on their own.  What did the adults do?  Giggle!  We are terrible …

 

it gets better … we got it on tape!

Even though our days are gray, Doug and I are trying to still find the good in life.  Trying to keep going and not get sucked into our own wallow of sorrow.  Doug is much better at this part than I am.  I was stronger in the hospital and now it’s his turn to lead the way.

It’s not any easier yet.  I’m told it will be over time … but I’m thinking it’s going to take an entire lifetime to get easier.

Love,
Mel

 

 

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26 Comments

Filed under Outings & Field Trips, Owen's Gone, Play Dates, Posted by Melissa

26 responses to “Life Goes On

  1. MaryAnn

    Thank you for sharing the beautiful pictures of your children and the sweet video. I’m glad to see you have wonderful friends and family to surround you and support you. May each day bring you closer to peace. Owen is looking down and his family and smiling with so much pride!

  2. Mel, I love this post. I feel your sadness, yet you still manage to see the joy in life, as evident by the gorgeous photos (the babies rolling around is just adorable) and that cute, cute video. Stay strong.

  3. As hard as it is, keeping busy & trying to find the normalcy in life is probably most important for your family. I cannot imagine how hard it must be to answer your oldest son’s questions about his baby brother. I’m praying for you daily.

  4. jody klarkowski

    Unfortunately, that annoying saying “time heals” is true. Although, there is no prediction as to how long it will take. Your heart will heal a little each day, month, year….This wound is so fresh for you guys. Give yourself a break and know it’s ok for you to talk about Owen and what happened. Anyone who loves you will be understanding of your need to talk. Talking about it is probably the best thing you can do for yourself. Maybe your friends/family want/need to talk about him too but are afraid of upsetting you. Maybe by you talking about what happened gives them an opportunity to grieve openly too? My best friend’s baby passed away from SIDS when he was 3 1/2 months old and I never wanted to bring it up and make her sad in the event she was finally having a “good” day. But when she started talking about him it then gave me permission (so I felt) to talk too. (then again, I felt like if I didnt bring it up I was being insensitive and giving her the impression I didnt care, kinda a no win situation!) I can only imagine how painful it is for you to have to find the words to answer Jaden’s questions, when we truly dont understand why things like this happen either. Hang in there, Mel.
    PS….those boys are total cuties:)
    Hugs to you,
    Jody

  5. Natalie

    Hey Mel,
    I don’t know you, but learned of Owen through the blog and many facebook postings. I wanted to let you know, I volunteered at an event yesterday for kids. They had the adults do a butterfly release in memory of all the kids who are with Jesus waiting for us all to come Home. I knew right away that I was going to get my name on the list to release one and that it would be in memory of Owen. Well…I went to get my butterfly from a handler and guess what, my butterfly was not white or multi colors…IT WAS ORANGE! I held that butterfly close as I said a prayer and with a gentle kiss, sent that butterfly on its way.
    So, even in Orlando, people have heard about Owen and a few adults that I never met joined me in saying ‘Enjoy Heaven Owen’.

  6. I don’t know what you are going through. But it is good to have family and friends around. Especially your husband and your kids. Thank you for sharing your story with us, for I’m sure it is hard. Your boys are very hansdsome. I am praying for strength for you and your family.

    P.S. I can’t wait for the wedding. :0)

  7. Nicole Tempesta

    Mel… Keeping you in my prayers… You have to keep on keeping on, and with the support of your family and friends and always the Lord, I am sure you will… You are an extraordinary woman and Mother, and I wish I had the privilege of knowing you personally… I pray it does get a little easier day by day, and that you will know joy again soon..
    God bless you and your family, from one mother to another….

    ps. your boys are adorable…

  8. Kate

    Mel,
    I have no pearls of wisdom, but the boys look so sweet and happy, they have to be a balm to your spirit.
    Looking forward to the wedding…

  9. sherry merritts

    Dear mel,
    Thanks for sharing, pics and video ! It made me smile ! My mom always told me to work with the dirt when you have problems, that’s a whole lot of weeds for you ! Prayers and hugs to allof you !

  10. Keri

    This post made me smile- I can still feel your pain but it is so nice to see that you are enjoying the little things! Your boys are beautiful! Still praying for you and your family. My 4 year old, Jackson’s favorite color is orange and whenever he wears it I think of Owen and smile! Take it one moment at a time!

  11. Nancy Kapernick

    Thanks for the fun photos of your children- especially the proposal video!! Let me just say that I would agree with you- keep looking for the fun each day but still allow yourself to grieve. Our society doesn’t really know how to talk about losing our loved ones very well so it is very common to be frustrated with others as they don’t respond or know what to say. I remember after my mom died that no one even wanted to come near me at family gatherings for the first 6 months for fear I would bring up the “death” topic. Find a few great friends who can listen and talk things through with you when needed or who will just come and cry with you. I found just a few friends who could do that and it really helped. The pain does lessen with time, but the hole in your heart will always be there (whether it is a child or an adult) and you will always miss Owen. He will never be forgotten.
    I am in awe of how you are handling all of this. You have greatly honored Owen and handled his passing with such sweet grace and love.
    Continuing to pray for you all,
    Nancy
    (friend of Sarah B, Mn)

  12. Jessica

    Your boys are adorable! I am so in awe of you and your strength. You do not know me, but you inspire me daily to be a better person, mother, friend, etc. My thoughts and prayers will be with you always!

  13. Colleen

    Hi Mel,
    Glad to know I am not the only one who has a 4 year old (mine is 5) who is already betrothed and acting like a giddy teenager! I did the same thing when my daughter did that with her “finance” on Friday. I just didn’t know what to say but laugh!

    As far as what to say to Jaden, I just wanted to share this with you. I, sadly, cannot remember the name of the book, but there is a book written by a mom with a son who is autistic and she needed to explain death to him in a biblical way. Thankfully she wrote it down for all of us to use! We didn’t read the book to my daughter (who was 3 1/2 when her grandma died) but we talked through what the book said and she was like.. “OK, got it!” She would ask here and there to make sure nothing had changed, but she was so accepting, it was a gift. We told her that God gives us a body, a home, and a job in this life on earth. But this isn’t our true home so when He decides to take us home, we leave our body, life and job here and He gives us a new body, a new home, and a new job in Heaven. The people here are very sad because we will miss them. But they are very happy because they are with Jesus. That is how we explained that we were looking at the body of our loved one to say goodbye, but they weren’t really there anymore cuz they didn’t need that body anymore. The great part about this is it is biblical and you don’t run the risk of scaring them about something like going to sleep or other things I have heard people say over the years. Anyways, just thought I would share! Enjoy the little moments of job that get interspersed in your day. They will come closer and closer together with each day.

  14. MK

    Hi Mel, I have been following your story for a while now, and I offer you my sincerest and deepest sympathy. I lost my 19 year old niece 7 years ago to suicide. While I was only an aunt, there are times still when I can burst into tears at the thought of her. To me though, this 7th year has been markedly better. My youngest was two at the time of my neice’s death, and I feel like a part of her childhood was robbed because of the years-long medication-resistant depression that follows. I find it amazing that you are even able to get out of bed and go to a BBQ! Even though I love my kids as much as any mom can, there were days when I couldn’t care for them as well as I thought I should. Kudos, kudos, kudos to you for your ability to give your kids and yourself joy (as is obvious in the photos). From here on out, life is just one babystep at a time. All my best . . . MK

  15. Gabrielle

    Glad to hear you are able to enjoy little moments and thank you for sharing them. We continue to think of you all and pray for you. Keep hanging in there.

  16. Jaime

    I am so sorry about your loss of Owen. He was a very handsome little boy. I loss one of my triplets as well it was a totally different way I was 21wks and 6days when she came into this world and she lived for an hour and just was to small to keep breathing on her own and there was nothing the doctor’s could do for her. I was able to get to 25 weeks on bedrest in the hospital and had to have an emergency c-section for the other two it was a horrible and scary day and the day came for me to go home and all I had was a heart shape box filled with my angels things(foot prints,hat,and a blanket) and my other two babies fighting for life. I hope to keep in touch with you I have read your blogs and you are one of the strongest women I have ever read about god bless you and your family.
    Jaime

  17. Joyce C.

    Mel and family,

    I came across your blog on a blog that I follow, Three Legged Race. I feel for you and your family because I am dealing with the same loss of a son. My 12 week old son Darion passed on May 27th and this afternoon, we will be going to his viewing and tomorrow he will be laid to rest. Unlike Owen, there was no surgery, he passed due to natural causes because of his intestines being twisted/knotted. It happened very quickly and a piece of my heart is at peace that he didn’t have to suffer. Thoughts and prayers are going to you and your family through this difficult time. I pray that Owen and Darion are happily playing together in Heaven. I’ve bookmarked your blog and will be following your journey as I go through mine. Thank you for sharing your story.

  18. Tammy

    Mel, your blogs are a beautiful tribute to Owen. Please continue to blog as, they are exactly what a great mother is. Your family is and will continue to be in my prayers.

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  20. Mary

    Hugs to you momma! You are doing the best you can and that’s all you can do. I hope and pray you continue to talk about Owen when the mood strikes you and that you continue to be surrounded by love and support.

    Your babies are gorgeous! And how sweet is Jaden?

    Continuing to pray for you.

  21. Chris

    Mel,
    I met Doug at Owen’s service. It was a wonderful celebration of your little warriors life.

    I assure you there will be times when you are strong and Doug needs support and visa versa. Be sure to help each other. We (husbands and wives greive differently) and we need to understand how to help the other w/o expecting them to greive like we do. I retreated to the garden. There were times when Kim literally lifted me off the floor and times when she collapsed in the arms.

    Bringing up Owen is GOOD. He is your son and always will be. Your friends and family may have a hard time at first because they dont know what to say but in time it will be ‘normal’ to talk about him. Don’t ever let him go. You get to talk about your other boys to everyone, let your friends hear about Owen.

    The next few months with change your marriage. I pray that it is for the best. Be there for each other, understand that you each need to grieve and do so differently, and be sure to help your children know Owen. Do not be afraid to show pictures, tell stories, etc. He will always be your son and thier brother, celebrate him.

  22. Clare

    Everyone told me, after the death of a close friend, that time would heal. But as time went on I got increasingly distressed that it wasn’t happening, nothing seemed to make it any easier. Then one day I read a piece that gave me some comfort and gave me the permission to feel how I felt without pressure that I was supposed to be being ‘healing’ over time. It said:
    “Time heals, they tell you. But it doesn’t. You just learn to live with it”.
    Nothing will ever take away the pain and the emptiness but I pray that you and your family learn in time to live with it and take comfort in the thought of Owen looking down on you and being proud of you all and you strength.

  23. Patty

    Melissa –
    This morning I was thinking about you when I took my dog out side, it was raining but the sun was shining – raining sunshine in Hubertus. I can’t help but think this must be how you’re feeling, your heart is being rained on, but your family seems to provide sunshine for you. It’s okay to rain, and be sad – I’m glad that you have sunshine too. I love the video and also am looking forward to the wedding. 🙂

  24. Kimberly

    I have only followed your blog a short while but felt compelled to comment today. I lost my special needs sister years ago and though I know it is not the same as your pain, I wanted to assure you that the pain is not raw forever. My mom and I have talked about how the grieving doesn’t get “better” but it does get different. I’ve been praying for your family often. May God grant you comfort.

  25. You are a beautiful person. I am new to the site and wanted to find some blogs to follow. this is the first blog i saw that interested me by the title, i had no idea what i was in for. You have beautiful children and an incredible story. You will be in my prayers, you touched my heart. ❤

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