Where is the button for that?

Funny how much you can love and be totally annoyed by the same person at the same time!  I’ve found myself in a constant annoyed state.  I just want it to be quiet.  I just want it to be calm.  I’d like to do my “thing.”  Yet, everyone I live with seems to need me … all at the same time.  Babies are throwing shoes down the basement stairs, climbing on tables, pulling each other’s hair.  Doug is asking me 12 million questions in the first 3 minutes of being home.  Jaden is upset because one of the babies is running away with his DS.  The soup on the stove is boiling over.  I have completely lost control of my home.

I love my family so much.  I would do anything for them but I just want to find a mute button.  Do they sell one of those at Target?  I’ll put it on my grocery list.  Maybe I’ll even find a coupon for one.  Double bonus.

Life is so brief.  It’s so short.  Whether you live to be 6 months or 90 years old, I don’t think there is enough time to do everything I want.  There will never be enough time to read all the books I want to read.  Crochet as many hats in as many colors as I’d like.  Learn to sew … not just hem a pair of pants, but really sew.  I’ll never have time (or the money) to see all the corners of the world.  I’ll never have enough time to watch my kids grow.  Do more for my church.  Meet enough people.  Hear enough stories.  Eat enough chocolate.  There just isn’t enough time.  How I wish I didn’t need sleep … I could do so much more with my short time on earth.

How do I choose what to focus on?  What is the most important?  How do you pick?

I just feel on edge and like I can’t get to everything.  I would like a pause button for everything going on around me so I can catch up.  Just pause the babies eating breakfast so I have more time to update the church website while I enjoy another cup of coffee.  I don’t want to miss out on the time I have with my babies … I just want more time for other stuff.  Again … where is the button for that?

I know that these are the years of sacrifice.  Carpe Diem and all that jazz.  I know that this too shall pass.  When the kids go to school there will be more time.   But will it be enough time?  I just feel like it will never be enough time for me.  Life in itself is just too short.

Love, Mel

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6 Comments

Filed under Mommyhood Meditations

6 responses to “Where is the button for that?

  1. Caroline

    I hear you! Know that you are not alone in the want/ need to do and be everything to everyone, and to have time for yourself!

  2. mattie

    How do you pick? Good Question!

    I try to figure out the answer all the time. I too have so many things that I feel pulled to do – things that I feel are important. I think it is a constant struggle.

    Here’s to finding the answer! 🙂

  3. Amanda

    You are not alone. I have 4 children and the youngest are twins. The year that they were one year old was really the hardest year of my motherhood thus far. They were CONSTANTLY into everything. And one would be climbing one table while the other was climbing another and I would be running back and forth. It’s really tough. But it WILL get better and you will have more time to yourself. Hang in there.

  4. I couldn’t agree more. I feel like there is always something in my life that isn’t getting enough attention these days. Unfortunately, here lately, that “thing” always seems to be myself.

  5. Oh…I hear you! As a woman with a family and many interests (it would be so easy if I only had one thing I liked to do!) I have often thought, “wouldn’t it be great to be like the Cullens and not need sleep?” 🙂 (You are a Twilight fan, right?) I do like to sleep though too! But a few months ago one of our pastors shared another view on rest with me. He kept talking about building margins in my life and I finally admitted I didn’t know how. Then he shared a concept he had learned. Rest is commanded by God. So what is it? He said it is doing anything where you are “holding hands with God.” Doesn’t that just make you sigh in contentment?? It could be sleeping, reading the bible, praying, or it could be crocheting in the quiet while God speaks to you, having s*x with your husband, eating a good meal and really savoring it and thanking God for the goodness of food. reading a good book. Anything where you can draw close to God and feel that **sigh** of being near Him…think resting your head on His chest and matching your breathe to His. Huh…never thought of some of those things as rest. (I starred the word above for internet search reasons…don’t want you to get flagged or something!). Now I don’t dislike our need for rest as much. It is still a work in progress, some days I still wish I didn’t need 7.5 hours of sleep (or more!). Some days when kids are running every direction screaming and dinner is burning and my hubs is not doing what I want him to be doing, I still feel like I may lose my marbles. But I am more peaceful about it most of the time. I know that God PUT me in this season so He knows I don’t have 3 hours a day to sit and read His Word. But I also know that I can close my eyes for just a second (or go to the bathroom! ha!) and can find rest. And I can definitely say, in the 2 months since I started thinking and praying about this, I am more “rested” and relaxed than ever (saying a lot for this Type A!). I pray you find a few moments of rest today Mel!!! We mamas really do need to care for our souls first, even when that seems impossible amidst all the dirty diapers, laundry, and dirty dishes in the sink!

  6. Yep! same here! I dont want to miss any time with my kiddos and whenever I try to take care of stuff, I feel like I am ignoring them. tough, but when I want to lose it and scream, I take deep breaths and pray. focusing on one thing every day helps but like always not enough. thinking of you mel! You are an inspiration!

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