So I am a huge nerd and am totally excited for the movie Hunger Games to come out on Friday. I read all three books in a few short weeks when I was pregnant with the triplets. I remember being at the lake house making plans to see the movie when it came out. And now it’s here.
Funny how I could barely imagine myself going to the movie … I had no idea what was going to happen over the next two years. I couldn’t imagine myself here after Owen died either. I mean I knew a day would come when there would be pure happiness again … I also remember not being able to imagine how it would feel. How could the pain I feel possibly ever go away? It’s so strong and so vivid it’s something that I’ll carry forever. And in a way I do. I think about Owen every day … Almost all of the time. But the pain isn’t as sharp.
I found myself sad when I saw cute boys hats at Target that came in only three colors … Orange, blue and green. They would have been perfect. But I didn’t buy them. If I didn’t have three heads to put them on I didn’t want them at all. Its always unexpected when grief decides to make a quick visit.
I also thought today how happy I was that Owen was able to give his heart. I was happy for Josie and her family …. Without any pain of my own mixed in. I rejoiced in the blessing that God gave to this world. I say world and not just Josie and her family because every person that Josie continues to touch is also blessed by God’s miracle. It’s exponential. It’s not just about Owen anymore … It’s about Josie and her story. And I feel honored to be linked in this way.
The Hunger Games makes me think of Owen … A weird connection. I vividly remember being beached …. Literally I needed help to get out of it … On a water raft in the pool at the lake house. I remember being pregnant with three babies. Three kicks, eating for three … Everything was three. The pain isn’t sharp … But rather a dull throb. A reminder that one of my sons is missing. I miss him every day and I suppose I always will.