Donor Network Memorial Reflections

My brother, sister, Doug and I attended the 2012 Donor Network Memorial tonight.  I decorated myself with my orange scarf, orange bracelets, owl earings and my purse with an orange ribbon on it.

I don’t think the real reason why we were attending really hit me until we walked in the door of the conference center.  My chest tightened.  The first face I saw was Annette, our Donor Network coordinator.  She was the one that held Owen for me after his surgery and until I could get to him.  She held my empty child … I haven’t seen her since one of Owen’s fundraisers.  But her face is forever etched into my heart.  She held Owen … she rocked him when he was empty.  She cared for him even when he was no longer there.  All of those feelings flooded back.  I wanted to talk on and on with her but didn’t really know where to start.  I could talk about what’s been going on with me … but I couldn’t find the words.  So instead she greeted me with a hug and helped me find my name tag.  Then I started to find my way through the room.

There were quilts lining the walls.  They were made of patches people made in memory of their loved ones.  Faces of people, dates of when they entered and left this world.  Parents, spouses, children.  All had a square.  Doug and I took the information on how to make one for Owen.

The program was quick but thoughtful.  Two donor recipients spoke about their experience.  They both expressed how thankful they were to their donor family.  The woman who spoke said she has never heard from her donor family.  I thought how sad that was, and I thought about how blessed I am to have contact with Josie and her family.  Maybe one day I’ll also have contact with the little girl who received Owen’s liver.

They showed a picture of each person while they read their names.  My heart was empty of feeling … swelling with loss.  I stared at each face, looking into their eyes, reading their birth and death dates.  They were someone.  They once had life within them.  Their eyes were alive yet now they are gone.  Gone and never to return.  These are someone’s “somebody”.  These are grandparents, brothers, sisters, fathers, mothers, children.  So many young adults in the slide show.  Teenagers, infants, toddlers.  With each new face I kept wondering: What happened?  What is their story?  How did they die?  Were they sick?  Was it sudden?  How is the family coping?

I was awaiting Owen’s picture.  I knew it would come, yet it still took me by surprise.  I squeezed my folded hands tight.  Annette read his name with conviction.  It was loud and clear.  Then they were onto the next picture.  I didn’t want them to change the slide.  Stay on my Owen.  Show his face just a little longer – let me look into his larger than life face.  But the slide changed and he was gone again.  I screamed in my head how much things sucked right now.  I screamed how much it hurt.  I felt a few warm tears on my face … but then the feeling passed.   I saw the other faces and I let myself get lost again in my questions on what their story was.

Soon it was time to leave.  The night had come to an end.  I did have some time to catch up with Annette more at the end of the night.  I wonder if she knows just what kind of an impact she has made on my family.  There is another donor network event in the summer.  I hope to bring Jaden with us that time.  I think it would bring him some healing.  Or at least I hope it would.

If you haven’t done so already, consider being an organ donor.  It’s so important to take care of each other.  Maybe just maybe,knowing that you’ll live on in others will give your survivors some kind of hope.  I know Owen’s gifts give me hope.  I continue to lift Josie up in prayer … Lord, the one you love is sick.

Love, Mel

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7 Comments

Filed under Grief, Organ Donation

7 responses to “Donor Network Memorial Reflections

  1. Mel~ this post is awesome! Also, how amazing is it that the “Donate” circle is orange/Owenge?! Meant to be… You are a wonderful soul! Stay strong. Love from your RN friend… Al

  2. And cue the happy tears.

    What a proud moment – Owen’s mommy, a true warrior! You held your chin high, represented your son, and did it ALL in Orange!

    Our jobs as mommy’s in life, are to carry our children until they no longer need to be carried…. until they can fly on their own. You, my dear, are carrying Owen still.

  3. Sara

    Thank you do much for sharing. Owen, the other donors and the Donor Network are making miracle happens. I am so glad there are events like this to celebrate all of these warriors!

  4. Sherri

    This post is awesome!!! I am so happy you have gotten to meet the family. Organ donation is so important & we know all too well. My dad was a liver transplant recipient about 2 years ago. It has been very hard on him & he would love to meet the family that gave him life again. From our family on the end of receiving organs we can’t thank your family enough for donating. It is so true that little Owen is living inside a sweet little girl today.

  5. We attended our donor ceremony a month or so ago as well. It was our first time going and it was VERY empowering. My husband and I plan to take our immediate family with us next year so that they can experience what we did.

    I’m still waiting on a reply from the families that received Erik’s organs….

  6. Jamie Hyem

    Hi, you do not know me, but I come from the MoMs on The Bump/Facebook Group. I came on your blog to tell you about how you, your family, and especially Owen continue to inspire me, but when I read what this post was about, I have to add something first. My brother was born with Cystic Fibrosis and he was able to have a double lung transplant that saved his life. We are now celebrating 10 years post transplant. Thank you for being so selfless and for encouraging organ donation!
    And onto the original reason I came here. This is small in the scheme of things but I wanted to let you know that I started working out, trying to become a jogger. I am by no means built or suited to jog, but I’m trying. My goal is to be able to jog the 5K at the Cystic Fibrosis Walk in May. The reason why I am so inspired is because I have an Owenge t-shirt and everytime I think I’m too tired or too sore or just plain done with my workout, I look down at my bright shirt and I remember Owen, and I push on until I’m truly done with my workout.
    Thank you for the continued inspiration. Owen will always live on.
    Jamie Hyem

  7. Amanda Taylor

    Hello – I’ve posted a few times on here, about how much you’ve inspired me, how much I hurt with you, how much you’ve taught me about my own losses, although different. I am a social worker. This weekend, one of our foster children (he is now 23) was in a motorcycle wreck and passed away. They were able to donate 5 of his vital organs and save 5 lives. When I heard the story, I got chill bumps and I immediately thought of this post and Owen. I also volunteer at Camp Boggy Creek. It is a camp for seriously ill children. So many children at that camp are affected because of warriors like Owen who keep giving, even after leaving this world. It’s people like Owen that give these children a chance to play and live at camp. I just want you to know that it is very appreciated and that I thought of you and Little Owen today.

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