Breaking

I’ve totally reached my breaking point.  One more thing might just make me crumble to the ground.  I seriously over scheduled this week.  I feel like I don’t have time to breathe.  I want to go to bed early, but there is still stuff to get ready for tomorrow.  I need to run to the store to run errands, but dinner still needs to be made.  I was to just sit and rest, but the kids aren’t in bed yet.

Doug doesn’t get it.  He is coping so differently.  He just goes outside when he gets home, totally ignoring the fact that I need a break too.  I’ve tried telling him.  I tried emailing him even.  He’s just dealing with Owen stuff in his own way.  Where is the united feeling we had when we were in the hospital last year?  Why can’t we just go back?

I’m breaking at the seams.  I’ve just taken on too much.  I know I’ll be fine.  I know I just need to turn it over to the Lord and ask for help.  I know my family and friends are here to support me.  But I’m also stubborn and want to do it on my own.  I want to be independent yet depend on my faith and God.  I just wish I had it together this week.  I wanted to be on top of my game and to make it through strong.

I don’t care about the laundry.  I don’t care when the kids spill a full bowl of popcorn on the floor.  I don’t know when a full glass of milk spills under the table.  I just don’t care.  I just want to find five minutes to myself.  I just want to be able to breathe, to have time to pray.  I can’t find enough time to pray.  I can’t find the thoughts.  There isn’t enough time.  There isn’t enough help.  I’m breaking …

Love, Mel

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4 Comments

Filed under Grief

4 responses to “Breaking

  1. I have been where you are. It is okay. You don’t have to justify what you are feeling. It is completely “normal” in this unfortunate new life we live in. Feel what you are feeling. You will bounce back. Thinking about you and praying for you.

  2. Oh Mel. I wish I had something comforting to say, but I’m right there with you. I’m gonna be praying extra hard for you!!!

  3. Mel,
    I am sending some extra prayers for you.

  4. nkapernick

    Praying for you Mel- for Peace & strength for you and unity in your marriage in this hard time. Know that there are many people lifting you in prayer when you can’t even find the time to pray. The Holy Spirit will intercede for you too. Romans 8:26 “likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with sighs too deep for words. vs 28 We know that in everything God works for good with those who love him, who are called according to his purpose. ”

    Nancy in MN

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