I Lost It.

A friend really let me down — she hurt my feelings.  What really surprised me was how mad I got.  It was an out of control – hands shaking – heart racing sort of anger.  It came on so quick and without much warning.  My head was swimming.  I kept telling myself to just calm down, but my body wasn’t hearing the message.  The adrenaline pumping through my veins.  I started praying while putting away my groceries – Dear Lord, please take this anger away.  Cleanse my heart of this so that I can see your wisdom in this situation.

It didn’t work – I still sent off a text message I really shouldn’t have.  I said hurtful things out of anger … just because I lost control.  The feels of being let down and frustration were legit – but the way I handled it wasn’t right.  There were many better ways I could have handled it, but I just couldn’t seem to pull it together.

Have you ever totally lost your grip with reality?  Lost control of your anger?  Felt unglued?

I knew deep down there was something else that was making me spin out of control.  Yes, the let down from my friend was hurtful – but it was something that should have sent me on such a crazy spiral.  What was at the root of my anger?

I’m still working on figuring out the answer.  I know my plate has been really full these days.  To top it off, the triplets decided they weren’t going to take a nap all last week.  My emotional tank is on overload.  I have no patience left.  But there has to be more to this melt down/freak out than just a rough week.  I’ve had hard weeks before and I haven’t acted like this.  Reflection, journaling and “me” time usually help.  Talking with a trusted friend also teaches me a lot about my “inner workings.”

I do feel bad about the freak out and I need to go back to offer an olive branch.  I wish I could say that I’ve gotten the rest of me figured out — got my ducks back in a row.  But that couldn’t be farther from the truth.  I’m still a mess and there really isn’t a point in pretending to be otherwise.  My plate is still full and my emotional tank is on empty.

I’ll be ok – I always am.  If God is for us than who could be against us?  I’ll figure this out.  Eventually.  And that’s ok.

Love, Mel

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5 Comments

Filed under Posted by Melissa

5 responses to “I Lost It.

  1. Sara

    If she is a true friend, she will understand and move past it with you!

  2. Sara

    Actually, this started when she hurt your feelings. A true friend would see that she had hurt you and show her remorse, hopefully first.

  3. Robyn :)

    I have had that happen. One time I did not even have time to think or try to calm down I just totally went off on a neighbor. What he was doing was not even that bad, just loud, but it was a build up of other frustrations I had with him.
    Another time was with my husband! I had gone out of town with a friend and discovered I left my keys at home. I was on my way back and he was at a friend’s playing Risk. I called him and he said he would meet me at the house. In the meantime another friend called and asked him to babysit so they could go out (this was after 10pm at night). When I arrived home he was not there. I could not get a hold of him on his phone. I called the first friend and when they told me where he went I lost it. I got a hold of him then and he said he was picking the kids up and then going to let me in. I was pissed that he did not come to me first (and that he was giving up his game night but it ended up they said he could bring the kids over there to sleep) and when he got to the house and got out I started screaming at him. I almost cussed too, but there were kids. When he left I left nasty messages on his voicemail and even called his friends and apologized for him leaving their game. He forgave me.

    Sometimes we just cannot control our feelings and really want the other person to understand how we feel, but go about it wrong. Hopefully your friend will understand 🙂 If not she is not a friend worth having.

  4. Amy S

    Love you lady! Be with those who help your being. You are a monkey of mine!

  5. Noe

    I guess we all experience a let down by a good friend of us, but we deal w it in different ways. My best friend really hurt my feelings, and I’m ANGRY. I’m SUPER MAD at her. But I have one things in favor: my son threw my phone on the toilet so I’m not speaking to her, or anybody for that matter.
    I’m still upset about the whole situation w her, and I’m asking God to help me get rid of the anger. I won’t text her or even mention what I felt, but some days I just want to stop being friends with her. 😦
    Oh well..

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