Most of the time I’m flying from one thing to the next. I’m balancing work, kids and my own emotional health (i.e. me time). I’m hoping that the decisions I’m making aren’t causing issues down the road. Am I giving my kids enough attention? Should I be taking more time off of work to go on that field trip? By not going on the field trip am I going to cause him “mommy issues” down the road? Do my kids really know just how much I love them? One juggling act after the other …
But then, it’s like God knows just what I need at just the right moment … there are these moments when everything is crystal clear. It doesn’t last very long, maybe a minute or two. But I have this clear vision that life is exactly what it’s supposed to be right now. I’m good enough right here.
This morning it was a moment when all the boys had been served their breakfast and they were watching a movie on the iPad. I heard a whisper: Look Mel! Just look at these three amazing boys! All sitting together and loving each other. They are as thick as thieves. You did this. I trust you with them. You are doing a great job!
Me? I’m doing a good job? I don’t really feel like I am. Jaden and I forgot to study his spelling words last week. Logan was crying because his favorite pair of pants were dirty and I hadn’t done the laundry yet. I’m behind at work and forgot again to download the power points onto the computer in the sanctuary. There just isn’t enough time in the day to be “good enough.”
While it’s totally true that there are not enough hours in the day … it by no means reflects my value as a mother, friend or office manager. I am not defined by the unfinished jobs on my to-do list. But rather, I am measured by what I did accomplish. I didn’t study spelling words but I did cuddle Jaden each night before bed and I told him I loved him at least three times every day last week. I didn’t do the laundry, but I snuggled with Logan before school for a few minutes instead of curling my hair.
I have also come to realize that these “ah-ha” moments come when my kids are loving each other. We got some snow in Wisconsin this week and I had to go out and snow blow on Tuesday evening. I bundled all the boys up in their snow gear and set to work. While they did not help their mother shovel the driveway, they did go sledding on the side of the house – together. Their brotherly giggles and laughter was enough. It made the night feel almost magical really. This is my life … these are my boys … for real? How did I get so lucky to be the mom of these boys?
God whispered again: You are enough.
I have decided that if the only thing that my kids ever learn from me is to love one another and others, then my life in complete. Isn’t that why God created spell check? A gift for those moms who just can’t do it all.
I’m not totally sure what God thinks of me when my boys are fighting and screaming and kicking the living snot out of one another. But I suppose that’s for another blog … until then, I am enough.