How did I get here?

As I was getting dressed for the day I looked at myself in the mirror and wondered, “How the heck did I get here?” How did I get to this point in my life? Where on earth have the last 32 years and 7 months go? How did day come to be?

It’s been four years since I last saw Owen’s smile and laugh. In some ways it feels like it only happened yesterday, but in other ways it seems it happened a lot longer ago. Perhaps the time warp feeling has something to do with the fact that I’ve been divorced, moved twice, started two different jobs, Jaden has switched schools and I’ve bought a house since then.

I stared right into my eyes – studied my freshly mascaraed lashes, my blushed cheeks. I saw the face of a young, naive fifteen year old girl, who thought she could conquer the world. She was a hopeless romantic and totally in love with a boy in the youth group at church. She dreamed of how wonderful life was, how having a family would be so many laughs and smiles. She didn’t expect life to throw her out of cars, give her the greatest children in the world and then have one of them taken away. How did that young naive girl get to this point in life? How the heck am I still on two feet and getting up in the morning?

That young girl I saw this morning didn’t know how hard life would be, but she knew to cling the Lord and her family. She believed in good and she was right. I certainly don’t feel old enough to have that long of a rap sheet … yet here I stand – with many more years to live. What else is going to be thrown my way? The Lord only knows …

You all know I broke my ankle at the end of February. I got my cast off about three weeks ago a11265303_892450959551_3055223719381654783_nnd am getting around pretty well now. I  still have trouble with stairs and steep hills, but heck, I’m walking! School called me on Monday – Jaden fell off the monkey bars. He was moving his wrist, but was pretty sore. The next day it was swollen so I took him to the doctor. And wouldn’t you know … Jaden broke his wrist! My friend Sara said it all yesterday: “Mel, the universe likes to screw with you!” haha We are so lucky that it doesn’t need to be in a cast but he needs to wear a brace for 4 weeks – only taking it off for bath time. I suppose it was his turn … triplets had their tonsils out, my ankle … yep it was just his turn 🙂

I’m not quite sure how I have survived life up until this point. It certainly hasn’t been anything I imagined it would be. I can tell you that the fifteen year old girl was totally wrong about some things, but she was dead right about others. Life isn’t always wonderful – crumby but true. But it is good to be a hopeless romantic. Being a romantic isn’t always about a boy. Sometimes it’s about friends, God, or family love. We aren’t all lucky enough to have met our perfect spouse, but that doesn’t mean there is a lack of love in my life. Family is the greatest blessing in the entire world! Family doesn’t always last a lifetime, so love them while you do and trust them with God when you don’t.

I love you Owen and I’m so glad you get to cuddle with Jesus today. If you had to be anywhere but with me, I’m glad you are with the greatest Father! It brings me peace knowing that you are safe and happy.

Love, Mel

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2 Comments

Filed under Owen's Gone, Posted by Melissa

2 responses to “How did I get here?

  1. Cathy

    It hardly seems possible Owen has been gone for 4 years. The time goes by so fast. You are a strong woman Mel. I know you will be able to handle anything that comes your way. But you should be inline for some really good things. Keep trusting God.

  2. Jeanette

    I have sooo missed you. You are an amazing person. all of you’re childred are blessed beyond belief. 🙂

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